For a remake of a Malayalam movie this one tells the tale based on a true story, but it becomes so tedious because it tries too hard to infuse the TV drama pace of Kiefer Sutherland’s 24 and ends up being tedious.

If this were a Disney movie, there would be a song playing continuously: A tale as old as time… Before you can complete the song and sing, ‘Beauty and the beast!’Cliche upon cliche is piled up in this movie that should have been named Captain Obvious. Even the fights are so choreographed there is nothing new. Yes, the one star goes to Tiger Shroff for effort and for growing some facial fuzz.

Who could think that stealing blood and selling it for profit would be the stuff that could have you grinning in the dark of the theater? It is. And the characters that have been created seem to be unrepentant and brazen in their greed. If only the exaggerations could be reined in, this would be a wonderfully dark comic film.

There is death, and destruction of a premise that could have been a wonderful thriller if only the whole movie had been handled with a little more finesse.

Director Nishikant Kamat piles on horror upon horror to make John Abraham the action star that he has been in his earlier films like Force. But the horrors are so unbelievable – tourists being killed for their organs, kids kidnapped and killed for organs and thievery, drugs, guns, builder mafia – and executed so laughably, so over the the top that there’s unintentional laughter instead of tension.

This is not Oh My God, neither is it PK, but this is a clever little gem that may slip through the cracks simply because the film does not have A-listers. Global Baba is a clever satire, written well but it fails to deliver the punch against fake godmen that Oh My God did. Even though directed well, the story feels like it is looping without moving an inch. But the heart is in the right place.

The trailer you watched is far superior to what you watched for two hours. Everything happens so slowly, you want to take the hero’s gun (he’s just posing with it!) and shoot yourself with it, or at least someone in the movie just to get a reaction from them.

If you liked the original Ganga Jal, then maybe you should stay at home and watch the DVD. The story is the same as the original but diluted. And even though Priyanka Chopra tries her best to kick some baddie butts, she’s reduced to sitting by the hero’s bedside, eyes wide, saying, ‘How did you manage to keep these files so secret, for so long?!’

You come away with mixed feelings even though you really loved the idea of ‘tumhari zubaan kuch keh rahi hai…’.

Three stories of Bollywood crazy people is a good idea. But the film suffers when the three stories are dragged through the mud way after the audience has figured out the end of each story.