Jason Bourne is the worst of the Matt Damon Bourne series – it might even be worse than The Bourne Legacy. But it’s almost as if Bourne knows… He knows his best is behind him. He knows he deserves better than this movie, and that makes him want to return to the only life he’s ever known, the only life he’s understood – a life in which no one is safe, a life spent looking over his shoulder.

Totally worthless, despite Hemsworth…

Here’s a film that’ll leave both fans and casual moviegoers unsatisfied. And since it isn’t breaking any new ground story-wise, this is quite unforgivable, considering especially the excellent work Marvel is doing.

…this movie, despite being staunchly non-conformist, ends up, like Armstrong, a disappointing let down. What stops it in its tracks is the fact that we already know every detail about this case that there is to know. He is a public figure who made it a point to install himself in the consciousness of the world and there is very little Frears could have done with this story to make it fresh.

The film, pun fully intended, is an ungodly mess. What could have been an adventurous buddy comedy, an old-fashioned, Ben-Hur style epic, or a knowingly deranged B-movie ends up being an early contender for the worst film of the year. Too bad. Those trailers looked good.

For better or for worse, this film is like the characters it depicts. It’s like The Inbetweeners that way – crude, crass, foul, sweaty, occasionally funny and relentlessly perverted. It’s like that childhood friend of yours that kept giving you the most disgusting dares in a round of truth or dare, mocking you for not having the courage to follow through, a shameless grin on his face. And you know you did them all. You did all those despicable things. And then, you bowed your head in shame, just like you will when you’re done with this movie.

Russell is a genius. It usually takes just one great movie to be called that. He has three. Joy doesn’t work and that’s disappointing more than anything else.

Perhaps some day, a filmmaker with a real passion for the subject can come along and tell this tale the way it’s meant to be told. Till then, don’t watch The Danish Girl. Watch your phone run out of battery instead.

You walk out with the hope that they stick to their promise and end this nonsense already. You know the best jump scare they can come up with is announcing part 7. A part of you feels pity, but that part slowly dies as your eyes adjust to the sunlight.