It is categorically the worst movie of Tom Cruise’s career. Sitting through it was a pain unlike any other. One can only hope that this awakens something in Cruise, much like Ahmanet, and sends his career down a new path. He’s 54 now. He can’t run forever.

This is a shipwreck of a film. Everyone involved is flailing about overboard. And the best lifeguards in the business are busy solving crimes.

Pirates of the Caribben: Salazar’s Revenge, a film that feels twice as long as it really is, and roughly five times as boring. It’s the sort of film that, when confronted with the challenge to be creative, chooses to have its characters topple over for laughs instead. In the end, it drowns in a typhoon of CGI action, which, as far as death by drowning goes, is perhaps the most painful way for this series to have floated away. But there you have it.

For a franchise whose sole purpose of being hinges on the age old mantra ‘go big or go home’, Fast and Furious 8 sure does follow the rulebook. But sadly, the fatigue is setting in. A couple of films ago – even three films ago – you’d never have believed it. The series had just witnessed a comeback unlike any other. In that moment, to quote a teen novel of all things, we were all infinite. Dom was in love. The Rock was breaking concrete by stomping on it real hard. Tyrese was yelling. Women were being objectified…

If you love horror as a genre, skip this one and revisit the 2002 film instead or perhaps, watch Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh’s latest MSG film. That’s bound to give you the creeps.

Without a journey in which to invest the viewer, the film feels more like an after-the-fight highlights show, than an emotional biopic.

There’s a reason this film isn’t called Cobie Smulders: Never Go Back. It needs to be stripped of all this pretense, and it needs to embrace what it really is: A film that would have been sentenced to an eternity on the 3-for-2 aisle of the local DVD store had Tom Cruise’s face not been on those jingoistic, Trump state posters.

It took substantial self-control to resist making fire jokes, but it’s now or never, so here goes. Inferno, despite the best efforts of an always-dependable Tom Hanks, burns up in a raging fireball. Sorry.

…unless you’ve ever found yourself wondering what it would be like to watch Jackie Chan dance to a Mongolian tribe’s cover version of Adele’s Rolling in the Deep, you needn’t suffer Skiptrace.

Ben-Hur is exactly what it says on the tin: A remake of a remake, that is also a prime example of Hollywood whitewashing and another addition in the growing list of religious-themed films. Oh, and they put Morgan Freeman in a Bob Marley wig.