If Ram Gopal Varma were to film me writing this review, I assume he’d start with a tight close-up. First of my eyes watering from his new film’s assault, then a series of jump-cuts showing me massaging temples, yawning, cringing in my seat, then — abruptly — a slow-motion walk to my writing desk.

Watch this ‘bean’-there, seen-that movie, only if you want your brains to go on a permanent vacation.

MR. BHATTI ON CHUTTI is an amateurish attempt.