God is an 11-year-old boy and Moses is an orange bore…

Do yourself and those around you a favour: watch Action Jackson only if you have a free ticket or want to punish yourself. Perhaps if this film doesn’t make an obscene amount of money, Prabhudheva will be forced to respect his audience a little.

Much like the middle finger salute, however, Ungli ends up to be a rather pointless and forgettable gesture.

Boyhood is a long, meandering film, but it’s masterful and elegant. Time ticks away and with every scene, your curiosity about what lies ahead for Mason intensifies. By the end of the film, the rest of Mason’s life has begun and we’re longing to be part of it all over again.

Bang Bang! shows you the lengths that a woman has to go to convince an Indian man to make love to her. Silver lining: few men or women are as stupid as Rajveer, Harleen, so there’s hope yet for the rest of us.

Haider is a moving film that tells the story of not just a character or a family, but of Kashmir itself. …It may ultimately leave you dissatisfied and heartbroken, but just for the first half, Haider is worth watching again and again.

Gone Girl will hold your attention for its lengthy running time, but whether you’ll laugh it off as chauvinistic pulp or be haunted by it depends on how much the idea of an intelligent woman scares you. If this film is any indication, she’s the stuff of Fincher’s nightmares.

Despite honourable intentions, all Faisal has done with Daawat-e-Ishq is brought every paranoid chauvinist’s nightmares to life on celluloid.

For the second time in months, Bollywood has turned the tables to great effect by making a hero play the part that was traditionally reserved for women. We heartily approve. As heroines have argued over the years, it isn’t demeaning to be an important and beautiful prop when the character is written and performed well. With actors like Khan in the mix, there may yet be hope for the Indian romantic comedy.

Omung Kumar’s Mary Kom is a bland film that quickly becomes boring because there’s no tension in the story. But it has Priyanka Chopra. That was enough for those who financed the film because they believe that’s all you, the audience, want. Perhaps it will be enough for you too, but if you’re interested in Kom’s real story, read Unbreakable.