There’s a cop, an ex-wife, a groupie, assorted mafioso, the cop’s girl, a nosy landlady, a bizarrely brutal father, yadda yadda yadda. It’s all utterly unnecessary, except to give the viewer a mild respite from Bachchan-gazing.

The first half is dull as can be, merely loud, and while the emotionally-laden second half begins to mildly resemble something sweet, it explodes into a flashy climax that ruins everything.

In the end, it’s all flash. This Shaitan is more SprayTan than Satan, staring us down and daring us to look away. Who blinks first? We do. Several times over.

Those who are clapping for this film almost got the phrase right, only it’s more extortionate than value for money: the accurate term is “paisa vasooli.” Pay up.

The best, purest film to come out of Hindi cinema in a while, this. Take a bow, Man With No Tiffin. Take a bow while we take off our hats.

Lines soaked with gallows-humour are all well and good, but a cat and mouse game can never work as well if the mouse isn’t any fun at all.

Sippy obviously knows his flash, but after a point there needs to be more. Dum Maaro Dum is a very watchable film, but squanders tremendous potential in a puff of white smoke. As can be said the morning after a party with too much cocaine, all that eventually remains are a couple of good lines.

Loud and inert at the same time, Teen Thay Bhai is a film to be shunned simply because of how cruelly it treats three actors we should treasure.

I exit the theatre tiptoeing gingerly through treacley blood, past the fallen corpse of my expectations. That, ladies and gents, is Susanna’s seventh casualty. And it’s the only one that hurts.

A laughable mess, this Turning 30!!!. Maybe if it wasn’t in English, it could perhaps have salvaged some credibility. Then again, the only thing it shows us is that Gul can curse a helluva lot better than Rani Mukerji [ Images ] did last week.