Why did the ladies sign up for this mess? Shriya Saran wears deep pink lipstick and a pout, while Mahie Gill is to be seen in precisely two-and-a-half scenes, with the camera hovering suggestively over both their bosoms.

One feels for the classy cast — all of them — for being part of a film that has neither substance nor sense nor a story line.

Why did Jackie, Jimmy, Kay Kay, Pankaj, Mahie and Shriya agree to act in Phamous?

This movie about guns and baddies is so slow you could answer all your pending emails and the story would not have moved an inch. A local politician and a local baddie rule a small town with guns. The politician lusts after the wife of a local chap. The machinations to kidnap her are so pathetic and the posturing with guns is so ridiculous, you want to fast forward the whole thing and be done with lust and guns and whatever…

The music and background score befits the genre and overall, the film gives you a feel of a B-grade potboiler of the 1980s.

‘Phamous’ actually Phails in the aspect of reality. Do not even dare to go to theatres just like you won’t dare to enter the Chambal Valley full of dacoits.