I walked out of MSG – Messenger of God because to consider it worthy of being reviewed offended my sensibilities. Not because I’m Bengali (our sensibilities are notoriously delicate and sophisticated) but because I have a functioning brain and I know the difference between cinema and propaganda.

Partly because of the script and partly because of the editing, Meeruthiya Gangster moves forward awkwardly and unevenly… If coherence isn’t something you require from a film, then Meeruthiya Gangsters ambles along from crime to crime with stopovers in bars for some ear-shattering songs.

Everyone’s a lunatic in this boring love story with Kangana and Imran…

It’s difficult to say what debutants Pancholi and Shetty are capable of because Advani’s remake of Subhash Ghai’s Hero starts off as awful and ends as boring. There are about two genuinely emotional moments in the film’s 131 minutes.

At 153 minutes, Welcome Back is just a shade too long and the ending is a sandstorm of stupidity. But you’ll forgive Bazmee and gang because for at least 120 minutes, this comedy keeps you in splits. Welcome Back might be 2015’s silliest film and this is the best reason to watch it. After all, when was the last time you came out of the cinema giggling?

U.N.C.L.E is a wicked, entertaining ride that zips around all the cliches — the stoic, brutish Russian; the lecherous Italian; the icy villainess; the smooth-talking spy, and so on. To dismiss it as a spoof of spy films is doing it injustice. U.N.C.L.E is too fun, lavish and beautiful to be a spoof. However, those who expect modern pizzazz from Ritchie may be disappointed. This is a nostalgia trip to the age when Hollywood films dared to dismiss realism and embrace the absurd, stylishly.

Considering how Phantom cheerfully borrows from real life and makes no bones about ISI being in cahoots with Lashkar-e-Taiba, it isn’t surprising that the film isn’t being shown in Pakistan. However, considering just how much of a bore Phantom is, for once the Pakistani courts may just have done our neighbours a favour.

…a film that is so comprehensively artificial that you’ll forget Dashrath Manjhi was a real man and that his is a true story.

A few more films like Brothers and Bollywood will have achieved what no amount of litigation can manage — the freedom to copy freely. Because if Gavin O’Connor, who directed and co-wrote Warrior, ever sees how his story has been brutalised, he might just go on a campaign claiming that intellectual property rights be damned, Hollywood is better off not being associated with Bollywood remakes.

Of all the Bollywood films that have explored fanaticism, Bangistan the one most lacking in courage and insight. Unless someone from behind the scenes speaks up, we’ll never know why it’s such a confused mess. However, it’s clear that an irreverent comedy was mangled and manipulated to become an earnest lecture on harmony — not because the story demanded it, but because someone didn’t have the guts to crack jokes and poke fun at fanatics. And so, a decent premise was blown up. That is the real tragedy of Bangistan.