Being a Khan film releasing on Diwali, it would be hardly surprising if this one clocks the big three digits at the box office. But before investing 174 minutes (the runtime) of your life in watching this tale of a middle-aged raja wooing a rani half his age, be warned. Some of the dubsmashes of the title song are far more watchable (especially the one featuring a snake trying to ape Sonam’s thumkas).

None of the cast members deserve a mention, and even The veteran actor, Shah, seems entirely wasted. Perhaps imagined as an engaging thriller, the acting school performances marginalise the story which would’ve read like a tale of breakthrough twists on paper. If only that sheet made it to the sets during filming, this would’ve been an entirely different film.

In Charles’ words, “Oyaltee has its own price to pay.” But investing time to watch this one will only mean making a ‘oyal’ buffoon of yourself.

Director Vikas Bahl, best known for helming films like Queen and Chillar Party, has acquired a reputation for himself and unfortunately for him, people have expectations from this one. But unlike his previous ventures, this one lacks soul, sensitivity and a scriptwriter.

Pullav is a delectable preparation, but this one will result in an upset stomach. Go for khichdi instead.

Fundamentally, all chase films have someone on the run and someone trying to track the first ‘someone’ down. Where this one differs is that it fails to be unpredictable. Here, every kick, stab and car screech can be estimated accurately. You can make a correct choice each time, so to speak.

Debutant director Zeishan Quadri makes all the classical mistakes of a first-timer. To begin with, he seems too consumed with the idea of infusing humour in tense sequences. This would’ve worked if the jabs were sharp and didn’t undermine or diffuse the magnitude of the scene. Here, they only serve as a distraction. Secondly, when you seamlessly capture an entire scene in a single shot, you may pat yourself on the back. But when you repeatedly do it, it seems like a gimmick and that you’re doing it just because you can.

An essential part of heartbreak films is the unsaid assurance that all will be well by the end. The only certainty here, is that this story of heartache will surely lead to a headache.

The Hero that catapulted Jackie Shroff and Meenakshi Sheshadri to instant stardom had songs like Lambi Judai and Tu Mera Hero which can be partly credited, as they’d factor in the success of films then. But the predictable plot featuring a union of partners from disparate conditions: rich and poor, cop and robber, coolie and client, was passable even though over-utilised then. Today, this photocopy with no plot tweaks seems little more than a tired effort.

Director Ananth Mahadevan plays it safe by ticking all the boxes: adapting a story that got enough press to have recall, getting former journalist C P Surendran to pen the screenplay, and casting faces who have a proven success rate in such films. But what he didn’t account for is investing time to establish a mood and to allow his characters to find themselves instead of rushing into scripted characteristics. It’s like the perfect school play, everyone knows their lines, everyone falls in line and little is left to mind.