This movie is supposed to be a comedy, though it’s cacophony for the most part with assorted dons, fake cops, real cops, and general unexplained madness.

Ideally a film like this doesn’t merit a review.

It’s hard though when you’re constantly made aware that these loose, sometimes fully disjointed pieces of a zanjeer (series of events) – with several unexplained and missing scenes — is the reinterpretation of the 1973 classic

Walk very gently into this film, if you must. There is enough plywood used for the sets and so much plastic around for performances that if you’re not careful, the whole picture might just collapse on your head.

Given the trailer, viewers in the theatre will probably look out for two things: lots of crackerjack humour, equal amounts of earth-shaking, gravity-defying assault on human bodies, cars, jeeps, and even the train. Throughout, at least I couldn’t spot a single moment that had me even mildly chuckling. The stunts and car-nage is limited to two sequences, which is a small fraction for a film that clocks over 140 minutes. So should you feel cheated, sitting in this loud, chugging train to Chennai? Perhaps.

Spies inhabit a shadowy world. They plot long-term moves, stay under cover for a living, and quietly run for their life when necessary, which is quite often. Any exposure equals death. Soon as their plot to abduct the don fails, these fellows just don’t know what to do or where to go. Neither does the film, sadly.

Song starts, music video plays, hero broods, heroine pouts, both dance. And then we go back to the baffling questions again: Will the couple get together? Won’t they? He stalks; she disappears, then reappears, she likes him, but maybe not, gets married, or perhaps doesn’t…. Oh, just get a room, and get it over with.

Fade in. Film starts. Camera zooms in on a mysteriously undivided Madhya Pradesh on the Indian map. Either the movie’s set before 2000, or the related stories Meet Veena ‘Channo’ Malik Satish Kaushik as common man in Gali Gali Chor Hai Don’t want to associate with every film: Akshaye Khanna filmmakers don’t know better. Singer Kailash Kher cranks up the volume with a noisy song that suitably goes, “Corruption, corruption, corruption ka shor hai,” referring to how those who should’ve stayed back in Chambal live in Delhi now. The person you probably think of is bandit queen Phoolan Devi – once a member of parliament, now no more.

A few players intend to share the loot, given the plan or plot (borrowed from Hollywood) is already in place. That’s the story of this film. It could be the related stories PLAYERS PROMO EVENT: Sonam raises middle finger!

The writers here have sub-plots. They continue to stretch and add thought to thought. The picture promises to never end. It gets hard to carry on with inane inventiveness, when you just couldn’t care less.