The film also piles on cliché after cliché, making the happy ending painfully predictable. Director Michael Dowse has made great films in the past and he does his best to bring Elan Mastai’s terrible script to life. But there’s only so much that one can do with a mediocre plot and unlikable characters.

The majority of the screen time is hogged by Downey Jr strutting around hurling his smartass lines, and the film is 150-minute long, an unacceptable amount for a plot this thin. There is also a lame attempt at shoehorning a romance between the central character and his old flame (played by Vera Farmiga) and things go downhill pretty soon.

I tip my hat to director Jake Kasdan for filming such a plot point. It’s mindboggling and, in fact, quite fascinating to just sit through and observe the thunderstorm of stupidity unfolding on screen.

The film is neither smart enough to be interesting, nor dumb enough to be harmless. It’s a great big ball of nothing.

The only fun bits in the film are when it tricks you that there is something sinister at the end of a dark scene, but sadly it’s just a series of false promises all the way.

The action itself is cumbersome and unimaginative, and none of the one-liners are punchy enough to make you laugh. Those were the two elements that made these old timers famous, and the film fails to deliver on both counts – a fatal mistake.

If you’re looking for a good Scarlett Johansson movie, you’re better off watching Under the Skin instead.

The film is directed by Brett Ratner, who continues his onslaught upon the audience that he started with the Rush Hour sequels, X-Men 3 and Tower Heist. If you thought those films were bad, you have seen nothing yet. To make this all the more unpleasant, it’s in 3D.

The one good thing about the film is that it doesn’t run too long. In 80 minutes the film zooms by, and the animation isn’t bad at all – seeing as the film uses the same animation engine as Cars. It’s pure eye candy, with a lame environmental message thrown in. Some kids might dig the visuals and the zooming planes. But most kids are smarter than that nowadays, even the very young ones. It’s certainly not for the big kids, though I suspect part three would make its way next year regardless of this one’s box office collections.

If you thought Michael Bay has lost his touch, fear not, because Transformers: Age of Extinction has all the elements that made the first three films memorable. And I’m not talking of just the misogyny, racism or the blonde butt shots. I’m talking of literally every single plot element.