Despite the hamfisted direction (at one point Suniel Shetty shows up on a highway and starts shooting people with a goddamned tank), the film’s main problem is that Jai Ho isn’t about being a samaritan or paying it forward; it’s about a man who can smash the system all by himself. Not entirely relatable, nope.

A movie where the killer ensemble cast unmistakably looks to be having a better time than the audience. Their buoyant energy — and the look-at-me style the movie is soaked in — comes at us hard and fast and it’s best to grin through it.

Joel and Ethan and Llewyn never let up, and we watch and smirk and commiserate and feel the despondent stupor descend upon us, sliced occasionally by the music, shining in like sun streaming into a dank attic. The thing to remember about Inside Llewyn Davis is that while it might not be new, it never gets old.

This is a rare joy. It’s a genuinely smart film. It’s beautifully, lovingly shot. The music aids the narrative instead of distractingly taking it hostage. It’s the most quotable Hindi movie in years. It’s a sequel that leaves even a highly original first-part far behind. And, for a film so accessible, it’s armed with the most cunning, most delicious twist. It’s terrific — and a half. Dedhriffic, then.

Who dareth review Sholay? Sholay, that one Hindi film each and every one of us looks up to. Sholay, the film that casts a shadow that envelops filmmakers, academics, fans and leaves them awestruck. Sholay, the film we love and revere in equal measure. The Sholay which belongs to us and the Sholay we belong to. What would be truly, truly grand would be a 70mm re-release celebrating this cinematic giant. Watch Sholay for a taste of how good the Indian entertainer can truly be, and revel in the magic you already know. But don’t 3D it.

Dhoom 3 is a children’s film made for children who’ve never seen a film.

There could have been some truly vicious invective here, instead of which we’re merely given many an accent, all in the name of quirk.

It’s one thing for moronic characters to take a fish for granted, but entirely — and unforgivably — another for a director to do the same with this audience.

…is a monstrously excessive film with a riot of colours, a girl who looks very pretty indeed and a daft hero, but despite that being the warning on the tin whenever you attempt (foolhardily) to buy into a Bhansali product, this can’t be what you bargained for. GKRR is an overplotted, bloody mess.

You’ll be hard pressed to find another hero so totally, awesomely Super.

…the only superpower Krrish has is that of boring the audience. Just stay away, will you? It’s the responsible thing to do. An empty wrist will serve you best.