The hero but looks a bit of a mutant doing action on photo stills, besides other similar silliness.

The filmmakers were possibly busy scoring a tax-free contract to shoot in Macau. Dialogue writers were giggling over their rhymes in every other line, pun on every second word. The editors were paid to keep their trap shut. Whining women (Kangna Ranaut, Mallika Sherawat) were picked up for pretty posters. Male actors then were naturally left to somehow figure their way through this mess.

This is how such rubbish really get made. Or is it? Shah Rukh Khan, the picture’s producer, would know best. That is, if anyone’s really interested to know.

This one makes you believe in benefits of plagiarism alone. Knock-offs have delivered for Indians, fine films in the past.

It’s not a bad effort — unfortunately, it remains just that.

Haunted evidently wants to be the Wanted (Salman Khan small-town super hit) for the same crowd. You just hope they aren’t similarly disappointed by technical glitches.

If this movie were true, yes. But it’s not. So, not to worry, “babes” (yup, I hate that word too). “Chill!” Just tag along with these bozos, watch them enter a gay bar, without any context, as tranny strippers go, “Tera jism jism. Tera badan badan. Yeh toh hai bus, Mutton mutton.” Luv it. Huh!

Two strangers on such a journey can make for one too many films: from Mr And Mrs Iyer, on the riots, to Jab We Met, a romance. This one falls into neither. It’s just banal, belaboured, contrived concoction that’s just not funny; certainly not fun.

Sometimes, you wish filmmakers wrote their own reviews to enlighten us on exactly what they’ve made.

Most mistake their clothes for attitude. I just worry for the heavy icons we offer them, and lessons we dole out. Step into this employment exchange entertainment.