The new Hero is a mess; the new kids are too dull …Nikhil Advani’s Hero remake follows the template of the original, which may not have been the wisest course of action…

If only this were shorter, crisper, a bit smarter, with just a touch more… um, control, Mr Bazmee, control.

All this talk of intelligence, but no smarts anywhere in sight.

Stay away from Phantom. It gives audiences a raw deal.

All Is Well spends two hours desperately tickling the audience but the overall impact is one of torture…

Weighing 158 unbearable minutes, Brothers is nearly 600-times as long as the Rousey win — and not one-millionth as thrilling.

… several parts of the film work and, for the most part, Drishyam motors along far more efficiently than most Hindi films — but isn’t that too low a bar?

…is a perfectly passable blockbuster with a B-movie heart — but why on earth would you want to watch something so unremarkable when Mad Max: Fury Road is still in theatres and gets better on each viewing?

…a film where three fine actors all play idiots. The film is a dreadful drag, with godawful dialogue.

Bombay Velvet is an obviously shallow film, an all-out retro masala-movie with homage on the rocks and cocktail-shakers brimming with cliche…

Even as an exploitative gimmick, it could have been used more cleverly, but here we have a full-length cinematic equivalent of Bali Brahmbhatt’s Gabbar Mix. Using the very name of the most fearsome villain in our cinema should mean something, but here it just gives the filmmakers an excuse to cast a dark-skinned actor as an executioner just so Akshay can tease him (even though he’s just an innocent fellow doing his job) with the “Tera kya hoga Kaaliya?” line. Ugh.

Stay away from theatres, I’d say. 50-kos away, even.