All Reviews

Bewakoofiyaan2014

It is a copy of MEET THE PARENTS(1992/2000) and of course Vijay Mallaya's Kingfisher Airlines pilot, who got the pink slip. Well, v know the story or non-story. And this is a good way to plough DHOOM 3 moolah, which may not generate further/any profits. For a Rom-com, it certainly roams in a comely manner. The only thing tall about this movie is heroine Sonam Kapoor's height(and that's saying a lot.) She is definitely a cloth horse. But acting and she are like North Pole and South Pole. With her gummy/toothy smile.let's move on to hero Ayushman Khurana. He may act in more movies but he has to up his game. Rishi Kapoor will continue with his old man roles. He has nothing new to offer except filling his old age coffers. What to say of songs, mere fillers. In this movie, there is a MBA waiter(of course, the hero). And the heroine is working in a bank but splurges money on branded products like she owns the bank. If the hero has lost his job and can do desperate things to get employed, the heroine is her foil. And in comes her dad, who finds the would-be groom unsuitable. FUNNY! In today's times, any' modern' girl will ask for her parents' opinion, least of all go along with it? There r so many implausible episodes, that one's mouth is left open - whether to wonder or wander away. I did the latter. As a diversion, we have bikini-clad heroine smooching like it is the end of the world (it definitely is). As yet there is none to beat La Tagore from AN EVENING IN PARIS (1967) bikini pose. Or first kiss of Hindi cinema of Devika Rani-Himanshu Rai(KARMA, 1933). The title is apt but it shouldn't make u a bewakoof. For a change, go for picnic as weather is pleasant. Outdoors always cheer up to be gutsy to face Monday.

Ragini MMS 22014

Well, u read that right. Move over Ragini. Sunny has taken over. And how. From the first frame to the last, it has Sunny written all over it. Most of our heroines cannot act and end up emoting by contortions. Here is an innocent pristine ex-adult star (imported from Canada) who gives dollar value for rupee. She lights up the screen by her mere presence. Of course her acting is like icing on the cake. But then a horror show without skin show and oomph is incomplete. Sunny is in a no holds bar zone. She holds nothing back. What has she to lose except gain theatre-filled viewers. And lusty cheers abound. She deserves and devours attention. There is no cheapness in her act. It flows so naturally. Reminded me of boneless Helen. Sunny is so empowering without being forceful, that I forgot the movie or the movie within the movie. She is enigmatic. She is she. I loved the songs -Baby Doll. Oh yes, she is. She drips moments of pure desire. After this movie, her market will skyrocket. But I shudder to think what will happen to Sunny Deol paaji, whose movie is releasing next week and whose stars are in unsunny zone. He has tough competition. Fact is both r Punjabis. Both r physical on-screen. It'll be a day if Leone promotes Deol. The movie collected: Fri: 8.50; Sat: 7.50; Sun: TBD. Points to the lass's appeal. Sunny deo toh Sunny Leone. The empress takes a bow. Hail whatever!

Dishkiyaoon2014

WHAT IS IN A NAME: MAN vs WOMAN: Well, Shakespeare did make a valid point. But when it comes to same names given to a man and woman, the result makes us think. While SUNNY Leone(no connection to acting) could make RAGINI MMS 2 smoulder courtesy her physical assets, her name-sharer SUNNY Deol's physical assets make one cringe. He is an actor with dhai kilo(whatever) and dole shole(whichever). The fate of the movie and Paaji reminded me of the appropriateness of the title DO GAZ ZAMEEN KE NEECHE. He should rest for now. The movie has a dated look. Why was Harman Baweja re-launched? He too should rest before he settles down with Bips. So is the name issue a gender issue or have the times changed? Would like to see more of Lion(ess) babe. The ripples she is creating r giving jitters to our established 'actresses'. Sunny scenario. The movie is a blatant copy of GOODFELLAS(1990). I guess, if those actors watch this plagiarised version, they may die of heart attack. Never mind. They won't care to watch this as even the Indian viewers have rejected it over the weekend and that's a relief. Shilpa Shetty shouldn't've taken pains to be a debutant director with this movie. The Haryanvi characters don't do justice to Haryana. I guess Haryanvis may take offence to Sunny's character. In the poster, it is shown, hero Harman Baweja is pointing revolver at his brain. This is what the viewers do after watching the movie. And the few, who watched it, may end up saying, "shoot it (the movie)". The less said about the heroine Ayesha Khanna, the better. She should stick to being the designer she is. POST MORTEM: This movie shouldn't ha've been made. It is a torture. It can't revive the career of anyone, who is associated with it. Gangster flicks work and they've a action story. Here it is all dead meat. Suffice it to say it is a gangster flick. So, to know the story, watch GOODFELLAS. That works big time even after 24 years. And that says a lot about Robert De Niro, Ray Liotta, Joe Pesci and Samuel L Jackson. And the director was Martin Scorsese. There lies the difference between Bollywood and Hollywood.

Main Tera Hero2014

Well, well. David Dhawan made HERO NO.1(1997) with Govinda. Now he has launched his son Varun (a walking-talking Govinda) in MTH. The movie is a remake of KANDIREEGA (Telugu, 2011), that was earlier remade into PAGLU 2 (Bengali, 2012). David-Vashu-Govinda have been ably substituted by David-Ekta-Varun. Alia Bhatt was brilliant in Highway. Siddharth Malhotra did a good job in Hassee Toh Phassee. So can Varun be far behind? With MTH, he takes over from Govinda. And what a zany comedy it turns out to be. Don't look for the story. But don't leave ur brains behind at home too. Here, u go with the flow. And this flow leaves u asking for more even after the movie ends. David hasn't lost his midas touch. And Varun shows that he is an able Govinda-successor. Right from songs to mindless scenarios to everything -he handles it all effortlessly. It is a hand-in-glove movie. Everything fits. Everyone here is made for each other. Varun graduates from a student to a star and passes out with top scores. This election month too won't dent the craze and collection for this movie. God and people r with it Well, the story is unrealistic. But then it is so much fun. Varun in a dream-worthy college scenario, falls for Ileana De'Cruz. And a kabab-mein-haddi cop Arunoday Singh is hell bent on marrying her. A don's daughter Nargis Fakhri takes a shine to Varun. There is marry-go-round in this love-quadrangle. And the wheel of fun spins on and on. Who gets who? That is the question the movie answers finally. BTW, Anupam Kher's voice echoes as he was born in Manali(a hill station). So if you have been hearing about problems, this movie works for you big time. Anupam Kher-Saurabh Shukla-Rajpal Yadav take over from where Kader Khan-Shakti Kapoor left in David Dhawan films. Karisma Kapoor-Tabu may well be proud of Ileana-Nargis. The girls are a delight in their own right. And the songs are actually chalta purza but go with the spirit of the movie. Taste a song - Besharmi ki Height; Galat Baat Hai; Shanivaar Raati or Palat. This is hallmark David Dhawan movie. And Varun leaves his own stamp on it. Now I strongly feel, only he could do this role. The role was written for him or he made the character come alive - welcome Govinda No 2. Welcome aboard Varun. What a hearty laugh and laughter I had. The audience is in for good times. MTH will match the might of T20 cricket and come out WINNERS. The movie is doubtlessly a definite HIT.(Touch wood).

Revolver Rani2014

After Bullett Raja(2013), here comes Revolver Rani. Kangana Ranaut is riding high after the grand success of Queen and she rightly follows it up with RR. And it sure is a treat to watch her from demure to daring. Chambal, dacoits, revolvers and bullets go hand in hand. There are no friends except that one has to kill the enemies to survive. And politicians make their presence felt. Alka Singh (Kangana Ranaut), a trigger-happy killer politico has breathed violence and doesn't fear to shoot and kill. Alka has lost elections in Gwalior to Tomar party. And the Tomars are baying for her blood. But before killing her, they would like to hurt her. And what better way to do that than to kidnap her actor fantasy of a boyfriend Rohan Mehra (Vir Das). They kidnap Rohan in Mumbai and bring him to Gwalior to kill him. But can Alka let that happen? She comes blazing at the scene of action and takes charge. From a fearless politician to a coy lover, who would turn a meek woman to be with her man; Kangana infuse life in the role. She knows that from an uncouth, fire-brand gun-toting foul-mouthed witch she has to turn into a demure woman, who wants to attract her man. And she does it effortlessly. She only likes "phasion, gun and fun." Alka loves her man and knows how to protect his life. The movie shows a role reversal, where woman protects her man. For she is deeply in love. So what if she is a politician! Before that and foremost, she is a woman. And love oozes out of her. The deadly Rani can make mincemeat out of her enemies, only to protect her love(r). This is all about guns, guts and glory. Kangana at her very best. Ab Mard Ko Sar Dard Hoga! For Sure!

Purani Jeans2014

PURANI JEANS: Coming Of Age In Today's Times Purani Jeans is a coming of age film that is based on the premise, "friendship is like a pair of old jeans - the older it gets, the better it becomes". Who can forget childhood friends, love, jealousy, feeling wanted and loved and carefree days! Sidhath Roy Sid(Tanuj Virwani) is a shy, quiet young man who returns to his hometown Kasauli, Himachal Pradesh from New York after 12 long years. He has memories of a rich past among friends and has lot of catching up to do. But there are misunderstands with his best friend Samuel Joseph Lawrence Sam (Aditya Seal) that he has to settle. And this is what happens in the summer - it becomes one where things become perfect and matters come to a conclusive end. The boys become men - finally. The other three friends - Balwinder Singh Shekawat Bobby(Param Baidwaan), Susheel Sharma Suzy(Raghav Raj Kakker) and Tejinder Singh Kathuria Tino(Kashyap Kapoor) provide a perfect foil for the events to unfold. Among this tale of friends, in walks Nayantara Sapru(Izabelle Leite), who comes to spend a cool summer at the hill station from Mumbai. And she creates excitement by her mere presence. She is glue that fastens the unbreakable bond of friendship among friends. Finally misunderstandings result in a happy ending. For friendship is like wine, the older it gets the better it becomes. Revive the golden days gone by. Friendship never dies. Memories never fade. The movie strengthens the unbreakable bond. And youth lends it a fresh charm. The songs are like icing on the cake. A visual treat that rocks the heart. Some relationships never die. Like true friendships.

Humpty Sharma Ki Dulhania2014

Kavya Pratap Singh(Alia Bhatt) is a small town Ambala girl. She decides to do her forthcoming wedding shopping in Delhi. Once in Delhi, she meets a typical dilli ka chhora Rakesh Humpty Sharma(Varun Dhawan). Humpty is enjoying his carefree life with his two friends - Shonty(Gaurav Pandey) and Poplu(Sahil Vaid). To take care of his expenses is his father's(Kenny Desai) book store. Humpty always falls and now he falls for Kavya. But his liking towards her has a hitch - her wedding. Both are like chalk and cheese but still a love-hate bond grows between them. Humpty accommodates her tantrums and even gets slapped multiple times. Not that he minds. The day for her to return home draws close and off she goes to Ambala. Can our hero give up on her so easily? It appears - No. He along with his friends pursues Kavya and lands in sadda Punjab. Marriage preparations are in full swing. And the NRI munda Angad Bedi(Siddharth Shukla) too lands up to claim his chikni chameli. Our desi munda will not let the marriage take place. He woos the kudi, he begs with her father Singh(Ashutosh Rana) and tries all tricks of the trade to shoo away the dulha. Does he succeed in his affable yet gullible attempts? Does Kavya stand up against the might of her strict dad? Well, don't miss out on this lively comedy movie. It is what the doctor ordered. If you find shades(or the entire color spectrum) of Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge(1995), blame it on Karan Johar, who cannot think beyond SRK. I was mulling over the title. It could well have been Bunty DHARMA Ki Dulhania. Long live Karan Johar and his Dharma Productions. If Humpty is taking over, don't forget, till sometime back Bunty ruled the roost. But with chaniging times and gen-X taking over, new names and younger generation has taken over. Whatever it may be, the movie is good and it made me genuinely laugh. It's time for the 20+ to take over from the 40+ and 50+. And I couldn't forget to remember: The new "Ki" key-factor: Is the new all male name bonding! Kuku Mathur Ki Jhand Ho Gayi Bnty Sharma Ki Dulhania Amit Sahni Ki List

Happy Ending2014

Shah Rukh Khan's HAPPY NEW YEAR released on October 24 instead of January 1. KILL DIL released on November 14 instead of February 14. And now Saif Ali Khan's HAPPY ENDING releases today(November 21) instead of December 31! Movie titles have lost making sense or being relevant. The question is how India's largely dehati audience deciphers the meaning. Maybe the Hinglish title makes them think it is an English flick and keep away from it. And rightly so. This time around, everyone unanimously decide to keep away. Womaniser Yudi Jaitley(Saif in double role - Yudi / Yogi!) is suffering from a writer's block. A happy-but-commitment-phobic guy, he meets his similar'soul mate' Aanchal Reddy(Ileana D'Cruz). U'd say it is indeed happy ending! In walks a fading Bollywood star Armaan(Govinda) who wants to revive his kaput career and decides only a sleek script can save him(read his slim career). And he promptly puts his heavy-weight(literally) not behind but over Yudi. The writer is now completely blocked and even a good-looking heroine(Ileana) is unable to unblock this nose, noose or whatever. Govinda should take it easy. It is not easy to have two flops(KILL DIL, HAPPY ENDING) in quick succession. Saif can find his solace in Kareena Kapoor. BTW, she too is there in the movie. Saif too is over the hill and blockbusters can't be expected of him. He looks stressed.(Keeping Kareena'happy' all the time may not come easy.) Ileana may get one or two Hindi movies but she doesn't seem hot. This is her hat-trick flop(Phata Poster Nikla Hero; Main Tera Hero, Happy Ending). If you've watched English TV series Californication(2007-2014), you'll find where Saif derives his inspiration(from Hank Moody). Did you see Sweet Liberty(1986) then you'll find the inspiration(Michael Caine) for Govinda's character. The 3-4 fewer viewers r happy when the movie ends. Probably they r waiting for the next Hinglish titled movie, where they can rightly put their over-used(read worn-out) sandals to good use!

Action Jackson2014

This movie is neither about action nor dance. It is about romance - a Kishan Kanaiya with three gopi around. A desi Robinhood-sort Vishy(Ajay Devgan) is chased(for a change) by unlucky Khushi(Sonakshi Sinha) to see his naked torso so that luck may rub off on her. Funny! Ajay looks half the size of Sona! In Bangkok, another gangster Jai / AJ(Ajay in a double role) has Anusha(Yami Gautam) for company. To add to the garbage is don Anand Raj's sister Marina(Manasvi Mamgai), who falls for gangster, who won't reciprocate. Anand gives competition to former Russian President Mikhail Gorbachev by sporting his forehead birthmark. Anand may now rightly be called'Tilak' Raj! It's another matter, Gorbachev will come out of'cold war' and rightly thrash this pseudo copier for making him the'villain'. That's my assumption. There is Ajay's side-kick Kunal Roy Kapur, who doesn't know the difference between comedy and bafoonry. I'm still deciphering whu Sonu Sood joined the cast. And if this is not enough, there is icing on this cake with cameos by Salman Khan, Shahid Kapoor, Prabhu Deva and Prabhas! Phew! The picture is complete. Of course the songs can be called pastries. Ajay is no Salman but is better than Akshay. This movie is made like a south Tamil movie. 'Director' Prabhu Deva goes Farah Khan way. Post WANTED, he has done menials ROWDY RATHORE and R RAJKUMAR. And now this trash. After November trashes, this one is slightly better. But if u've seen SINGHAM early this year, don't waste ur time, money or energy on this mish-mash. I sympathize with Michael Jackson. He must be turning in his grave restlessly. He may come out of the grave to sue Ajay for dancing with half foot! I don't know what to call his dancing! Naach na jaane aangan tedha! I let out a sigh of relief. Jaan bachi aur lakho paaye. Pure BS.

Humshakals2014

Title word HUMSHAKAL itself is a plural. Then why add "s" at its end? Probably because all asses throng the movie! In this movie all r shitting and hamming! Sajid Khan made for a good TV show host. He then jumped into film making but has not done much except making flops. He has a fetish for letter H. Barring Darna Zaroori Hai(2006), consider Heyy Babyy(2007), Housefull(2010), Housefull 2: The Dirty Dozen(2012), Himmatwala(2013) and now Hamshakals. Humshakals is a three-triple-roles comedy featuring Saif Ali Khan, Riteish Deshmukh and Ram Kapoor. To begin with, there is no story. Consider Saif and Ritesh applying butter on Ram's face and saying, "We are buttering you!" or "Hum pagal nahin hain!" or slapping each other and saying, "Yeh toh slapstick comedy hai!" As Saif, Riteish and Ram meet their humshakals, not one but two each, there is confusion galore. Glamour(or lack of it) is provided by three bikini-clad lead actresses - Bipasha, Esha and Tamanna. Humshakals is inspired by cult film Angoor(1982). Angoor was based on Shakespeare's play The Comedy of Errors(c. 1594). Indian cinema has made five films based on the play, Bhrantibilas(1963, Bengali, Uttam Kumar), Do Dooni Char(1968, Hindi, Kishore Kumar), Angoor, (1982, Hindi, Sanjeev Kumar), Ulta Palta(1997, Kannada, Ramesh Aravind) and Aamait Asal Eemait Kusal(2012, Tulu, Naveen D Padil). Best watch Angoor again. But if you still would like to watch Humshakals, take sardard tablet with you and return echoing, "bekaar, bekaar, bekaar." Blame it on the power of three! What is the use of investing time, money and energy along with talent when the end result is a tri-cycle sorry tri-shakals. It is three to the power of infinity Bore Bore Bore. Sajid Khan did well as a host. As a director, he is competing with Dada Kondke(with due respects to the long departed). Sis Farah piggy-rode on SRK and Akshay Kumar and could transform from choreographer to a credible director. Sajid has no such luck. Let him live in his dream world with this HIMMATWALA Part 2. Even God will not save this trash. Instead get a DVD of ANGOOR(1982) and taste the thunder that was Sanjiv Kumar. But if u still wish to go ahead watching this whatever: take headache tablets along and demand ticket refund, pop, corn, hourly wage and transportation fare along with other misc fares. Good Luck! BTW: The movie is proving to be a big hit in China! Can u guess why? My Witty Quotes: 1. Earlier, Sajid Khan was talented. Today, he is ail-ented. Earnestly pray for him. May his soul find its mooring post JacFer and Tamanna. 2. HIMMATWALA To HAMSHAKALS: Yeh Dosti Hum Nahin Chodenge! Rating: Awarded Sun, Moon & Stars. 3. HUMSHAKALS is simply a scary movie. It scares u from never daring to watch future movies. It is actually HAMshakals. The actors ham. The viewer begs for ham(the food). 4. Badi himmat chahiye in sab shakals ko dekhne ke liye. Sajid toh bechara, dekhne ke baad pagal ho gaya! 5. Sajid Khan is undergoing mid-life crises. And he cannot deal with it single-handedly. Meri Shaadi Karaado! 6. Ekta Kapoor popularised letter K. Sajid Khan does it with letter H. 7. Nobody is calling it hero Saif's movie but baying for the blood of'director' Sajid Khan! Wonder why! 8. If u wish to escape depression, EXIT before it is too late! Bips escaped and she is SANE! BTW: This is not a review but an expression of pain. PHEW!

Lekar Hum Deewana Dil2014

Movies about elopement and getting married is nothing new. They made for a good watch in the 80s and even 90s. And they were big hits too with the leads becoming major heroes and heroines. But today, they seem unbelievable. With values becoming expandable, elopement seems like news from Mars. Well, Lekar Hum Deewana Dil revolves around elopement. Dinesh 'Dino' Nigam (Armaan Jain) and Karishma Shetty (Deeksha Seth) are college buddies. Their friends make them realise 'they were made for each other.' When Karishma's parents insist on arranged marriage, the duo decides to elope! And the puppy love leads to pagalpan. There is no end to idiotic happenings. So much so, at the fag end of the movie you would happily want to SPANK the hero and heroine. You may shriek also. But save your breath. The movie is over and you are still alive. Thank God and go home. Have a good night's sleep and forget the movie like a bad dream. POOR: The movie is bad in every single department: acting, story, direction, music, cinematography... So much so, the word 'bad' seems good in comparison. I ended up saluting Michael Jackson's song Bad. I was wondering what could be the reason for making this movie. We already have a perennial dud Abhishek Bachchan. So, now we can start a line-up of dud dud duds... The only thing successful about this movie is the title. And Nasir Hussain must be turning in his grave seeing how his super hit song has become a title of a banal movie. Yaadon Ki Baraat (1973) after 41 years is still watchable with foot-tapping music. But LHDD hasn't lasted even for 41 hours with miserable collections on day 1. RD Burman beats AR Rahman by miles in music. Deeksha Seth is the saving grace in this bland affair. Media was tom-toming about 'Raj Kapoor's grandson's debut!' Armaan is the son of Reema (fourth child of Raj K). He is a 'has-been' already. He must take a crash course in acting but even that won't revive his non-starting career. Could he be as well-known as Karishma, Kareena and Ranbir! Only time will tell. No one can write a review of this movie except its director. And no critic can rate this movie with a star rating except a sabziwala. About the movie: Forget it like a bad dream. Amen.

Kick2014

He was born on February 29 (Leap Year: 1964, 1968, 1972, 1976, 1980, 1984, 1988, 1992, 1996, 2000, 2004, 2008, 2012, 2016) so he is only 10-years-old. (And I thought he was born on December 27 1965 and is 48!) Never mind. He like to KICK. Not that I mind but he means adrenalin-pumping excitement. That doesn't mean he doesn't kick ass. And that is how our hero does things. From Lovely Singh (Bodyguard, 2012), Salman has progressed to DEVI.L Singh. Dev...Devi...Devil...and the fun begins. Shaina Mehra (JacFer) is a psychiatrist living with her parents in Poland. Under pressure from family, she agrees to meet Himanshu Tyagi (Randeep Hooda), a cop for prospective wedding. She tells Hiamnshu that she had been in love with Devi Lal Singh (no reference to the Haryana politician, Salman Khan), an engineer, who could never stick to one job as he looked for constant excitement rather than boredom and routine. And this causes their break-up. But she has not forgotten him. Himanshu too is looking for the Robinhood-like DEVIL, who robs the rich and spends it all on the cure of poor diseased children. And there is one rich evil person Firoz (Nawazuddin Siddiqui), who the Devil would like to eliminate. Incidentally, both are looking for one and the same person, who Shaina's dad, a minister (Saurabh Shukla) intensely dislikes. And the plot has been set. A cat and mouse game begins that sees the record-setting chases, visual effects and Salman like never before. The movie is a remake of Telugu movie Kick (2009). Salman + Eid = Event. That has already happened with the movie raking in around 52 crore in two days (Friday, Saturday). And this is just the beginning. With two clear weeks even Rs 400 cr is not off-limits. But this is business. Records will be broken and new ones set. But that is routine and expected. Let's talk of the movie. Mithun Chakraborty and Archana Puran Singh (Devi's parents) are pure nonsense characters, who shouldn't've been there in the first place. Vipin Sharma as Home Minister impresses. Sanjai Mishra (senior inspector Ramavtaar Rathi) raises some laughs with his bumbling cop act. Sumona Chakravarti and Kavin Dave runaway marriage scene too could've been avoided but the chase in Purani Dilli brings alive memories. Sheer pleasure to watch Sallu in his auto-car. And the dialogues r already by-hearted by everyone so let's just say, the job has been well done. The cinematography is simply superb. And that Salman crossing train-track on his cycle and coolly walking after letting his cycle off before an on-coming train is sheer dare-devilry. It is too magical to be forgotten. KICK: Building-Buster: The word block-buster pales. It is sky-buster. It has bust bust bust... Laat ne maat de di (My original dialogue). Salman looks edible enough to eat. He sports two different looks - pre-interval and post-interval. Loved both. Now v can see Eid goat-ee everywhere with salt-n-pepper spread (no pun intended). JacFer will take a jump to bigger league. Adorable. Nargis Fakhri is a pure dynamite. She has unleashed herself in Devil song and how. Barood. Simply superb. But the female singer is a pain to hear and should have been kicked out. Randeep Hooda: He brings a raw energy that takes the movie to another level. To create space for himself in a Salman movie is an event itself. He gives enough takkar to Salman in some scenes. WOW! Nawazuddin Siddiqui: He has written a new chapter in villainy in Hindi cinema. It is a revelation. And dialogue delivery is awe-inspiring. Welcome to the club Nawaz. Saurabh Shukla: Well, he fits in despite his size cuz the role seems written for him or he acted and they wrote. Whatever. He is simply adorable. Cute. There is a story in KICK. But when so many characters occupy screen space, you don't care for inane things. Eyes were glued to the screen. Mind-blowing action. Special effects. Songs. Waited for Salman to remove his shirt but he wore the eye-wear. I must visit Poland. The movie brings alive Purani Dilli. Will watch it again. Ke dil abhi bhara nahin... Lot of effort has gone into the making of the movie. That can be seen in the trimness of Salman, who matches his fans' expectations and more. He looks coming right out of the foil. At 48, his body is terrific. And I salute him in right earnest. To say, he gives us a kick, is an understatement. He is looking better and younger than his earlier movies. That calls for single-minded dedication. Hats off DEVI.L. Waiting him to turn a dulha so v can become uncle and aunts. (Just kidding!)

Khoobsurat2014

1. KHOOBSURAT (1980): Rekha, Rakesh Roshan - BEST 2. KHOOBSURAT (1999): Urmila Matondkar, Sanjay Dutt - MEDIOCRE 3. KHOOBSURAT (2014): Sonam Kapoor, Fawad Khan - WORST Meg Cabot's novel THE PRINCESS DIARIES (2000) was made into a movie (2001) with the same name. Following its success, a sequel THE PRINCESS DIARIES 2: ROYAL ENGAGEMENT (2004) was made, which was mediocre. KHOOBSURAT (2014) is based on this sequel. Let's NOT compare it with KHOOBSURAT (1980) as that is like comparing hell with heaven. (Understatement). It defies logic why KHOOBSURAT (2014) was ever made? On second thoughts, forget logic, put this question plain and simple and still you won't find an answer. Sonam Kapoor (29) doesn't know to act. Were she not her father's daughter, she'd find it impossible to land up any acting role. Forget being a fashionista, she is just a cloth horse, who can at best be a scare crow. With her height, she scares away even the crows along with the audience. Disney had spare change so they invested in this movie. Rest as they say, is history - I mean, literally. This movie is a literal dud. With her hollow cave like mouth, Sonam tries to laugh cheerfully. Reminds me of other 'similar' (flop) star-kids - Esha Deol, Soha Ali Khan, Tushar Kapoor, Bobby Deol, Abhishek Bachchan, Prateek Babbar, etc. Sonam doesn't even have acting boots so she needn't worry about hanging them up. The shoes will hang (YES!) themselves up (mercifully). At, 29 she doesn't get any younger. She doesn't look like a princess. Kavvi chali hans ki chaal. Bhool gayi apni bhi chaal. Fawad Afzal Khan (32): Let's not talk about Hindustan-Pakistan here. Actors have no boundaries. They are universal. Fawad must have acted for free in this movie for sure. Disney got two for free (Sonam, Fawad) and it wants the audience to pay for this BS of a movie. No ways. Anil Kapoor must have chipped in for advertising, publicity and marketing. UTV must have paid for theatrical rentals. Fawad looks like he is attending a mushaira. The stubble doesn't make him look chic or royal. And he carries his drama acting in this movie. Kiddo, stick to those dramas. And if you wish to progress to Bollywood, learn from Ali Zafar. And that is a tall order. End Note: If you still wish to watch this movie, you can - for Kiran Kher is simply superb. And you may ask, where is the review! Well, do today's movies require REVIEWS? They require a kick in the a** for lack of story! Happy Kicking, I mean, sweet dreams over the weekend. smile emoticon Narendra Modi should watch this movie along with Chinese Premier Li Keqiang. Li is KHOOB and Narendra has SURAT. It has SURAT in it. Of course, bad-surat! smile emoticon After watching this movie, if you still remember what khoobsurat (beautiful) means, then consider yourself sane. You will also find it hard to decide, who is more khoobsurat - hero or the heroine?

Kill Dil2014

A ruthless gangster Bhaiyaji (Govinda, 50) brings up two orphaned boys - Tutu (Ali Zafar, 34) and Dev (Ranveer Singh, 29) only to make them equally ruthless killers. Trouble brews when in walks Disha (Parineeti Chopra, 26). Dev and Disha fall in love and Dev and Bhaiyaji fall out. A 'love triangle' ensues - Bhaiyaji (becomes Saiyyanji) is after Dev and Dev is after Disha. In this BS marry-go-round, Parineeti is competing with Govinda for the coveted 'FAT'ty award. There is a song for every occasion one can think of. At this rate, one can spend almost the entire movie time as loo-break. (And u'd prefer it.) Movie is good for constipation sufferers. Whoever is this Shaad Ali, SHOULD give up film-making. Naach na jaane, aangan tedha. The saving grace of this movie r Ali Zafar and Govinda. Over-hyped 'actors' - Ranveer and Parineeti should take a long break. For old-times sake, v have Kader Khan (Ram Chopra). Is there a need for a Hinglish title? Take a pick of YRF Hinglish titles: Neal n' Nikki (2005), Kabul Express (2006), Ta Ra Rum Pum (2007), Thoda Pyaar Thoda Magic (2008), Rocket Singh Salesman of the Year (2009), Pyaar Impossible (2010), Mere Brother Ki Dulhan (2011), Shuddh Desi Romance (2013) and now this. All big flops. And in 2014 YRF has already given mazedaar titles - Gunday, Bewakoofiyan, Mardaani, and Daawat-e-Ishq. Does this reflect newness or creativity? Apart from Hinglish titles, there r weird songs. Sample this: Happy Budday, Bol Beliya, Sweeta, Daiyya Maiyya, and of course the title song. If u don't understand this lingo, don't worry. They neither make sense, nor r music to ear. But one can understand the meaning of Sajde, Baawra and Nakhriley. Never mind if they too r no go on the ears. U saw GUNDAY. U've seen this. If u've the WILL to FILL the theaters (!), take the PILL (not for constipation but Panadol) along. Aap hil jaayenge (but not with Jill). Returns r nil for this movie bill. But at the end of it, u'll sit still till u've the strength to reach for the exit door. BTW, the movie is a sure-shot blockbuster (first day: Rs 6.75 cr). It has blocked the audience and busted the dil. Killer of a movie! Umm...on second thoughts, movie posters too r killers. Money was definitely spent on the posters. Need I say more. Sweet dreams.

Mahal1949

On a dark stormy rainy night in Allahabad, Hari Shankar (Ashok Kumar) enters a mansion, he had recently purchased. The caretaker is a mali (gardener) Kumar, who narrates the tale of obsessive love, and sacrifice that took place there nearly 40 years ago. The mansion by the banks of a river had Kamini staying there. Her lover visited her every night. Unfortunately a stormy night drowned the lover in the river. Before drowning, he promised that he would meet her in another lifetime. Kamini too drowned and died. Shankar wanders around the mahal and finds the portrait of the previous owner. He is amazed that it has uncanny resemblance to him. He wonders at reincarnation. And soon hears a haunting melody - Aayega aane wala. He follows the singer Kamini (Madhubala, 16), who dressed in white, appears and disappears. Soon Shankar's lawyer friend Srinath (Kanu Roy) arrives. He tries to make Shankar realize that there is no reincarnation and Shankar should let go of tragic lover story. But Kamini is all 'real' and Srinath has no explanation. Srinath reminds Shankar that he is engaged to be married and must return to Kanpur, his birthplace. Srinath promises to sell the mansion. Shankar leaves for Kanpur but gets off at Naini and soon returns to the Allahabad mansion. He is the obsessive lover, who cannot give up on Kamini. Srinath's efforts to take him away from Kamini prove futile. Kamini tells Shankar that they can be together if he can kill the mali's daughter Asha and she can then possess her body. Before Shankar can kill Asha, Srinath stops the murderous try. Shankar is soon married to his fiancée Ranjana (Vijayalaxmi). But he cannot forget Kamini and refuses to have conjugal rights. Ranjana vows she'll remain in veil till Shakar lifts it and sees her face. Ashok leaves her to return to the mansion to kill Asha and reunite with Kamini. Ranjana feeling humiliated, consumes poison but in police station puts the blame on Shankar that he poisoned her and dies after signing her confession. Shankar reaches the mansion and calls for Asha. When he sees her, he asks her to lift her veil. Before she can do it, police comes and arrests him. In the court, he denies killing Ranjana. He cannot identify Ranjana as he had never seen her face. Finally Asha appears in the court and lifts her veil. She is Kamini! She tells the court that in the mansion she had seen the portrait of the lovers and she fell in love with the man in portrait. So, each night she dressed in white and sang the haunting melody. and one fine night Shankar came, an exact replica of the man in portrait. She fell in love with him. They were the lovers from the earlier life. But the court gives death by hanging to Shankar for murdering his wife. Shankar tells Srinath to marry Kamini so that the curse on the lovers should get over and he can unite with Kamini in next life. On the day prior to hanging the postal department finds a letter (suicide note) of Ranjana, in which she states that she is taking her own life as Shankar has rejected her in favor of another woman. The police goes to the Chief Justice of Allahabad High Court and Shankar is pardoned. Shankar comes to Srinath's house, only to find him married to Kamini. He dies sacrificing his love. Kamal Amrohi had created a classic tale of obsession, love, and sacrifice that still has no parallel. Mahal was also India's first reincarnation movie that catapulted Madhubala at 16 to overnight fame. And Lata Mageshkar became the singing sensation with Aayega Aane Wala. The movie took box office by storm. Music director Khemchand Prakash became immortal and lyricist Nakshab Jarchavi never lacked work. The first Hindi reincarnation movie was probably Punar Janam (1938). Bimal Roy, Mahal's editor later made Madhumati (1958), another reincarnation tale, and it gave birth to other movies like Milan (1967), Neel Kamal (1968), Milap (1972), Mehbooba (1976), Karz (1980, 2008), Kudrat (1981), Nigahein (1989), Suryavanshi (1992), Prem Shakti (1994), Karan Arjun (1995), Prem (1995), Hameshaa (1997), Tales Of The Kama Sutra 2: Monsoon (1998), Ab Ke Baras (2002), Jaani Dushman: Ek Anokhi Kahani (2002), Paap (2003), Mr Ya Miss (2005), Om Shanti Om (2007), Quick Gun Murugan (2008), Love Story 2050 (2008), Karma: Crime Passion Reincarnation (2009), Chandni Chowk To China (2009), Makkhi (2012), Dangerous Ishq (2012), Teri Meri Kahani (2012), and Ek Paheli Leela (2015). There have been movies and more movies on the theme of reincarnation in Hindi Cinema but none could beat or even come close to Mahal. Watch the full movie on youtube.

Tevar2015

In Mathura, a politician's corrupt brother Gajender Singh(Manoj Bajpai) is infatuated with a college-going Radhika(Sonakshi Sinha). She seeks refuge with a'dabangg' Agra boy Pintu Shukla(Arjun Kapoor), who knows to give and give(not money, silly, but laat, ghoonse, etc etc). And he has plenty to dole out. Salman Khan is present in his absence.(Consider Superman song and Arjun's oft-repeated one-liner). Salman is actually the invisible hero in the movie. And the movie turns out to be a Kabaddi match between Mathura and Agra. This south-remake has plenty of already-seen action. If you are in mood for a repeat's repeat, go ahead. Watch the movie for Arjun, Manoj and Raj Babbar(SP Shukla). Sona should take a long break. I've her coming out of my ears, etc etc. Over-exposed. Watch out for Subrat Dutta(Kakdi). Tevar is the fourth official remake of original Okkadu(2003, Telugu), after Ghilli(2004, Tamil), Ajay(206, Kannada), and Jor(2008, Bengali). Shruti Hassan not only sings but does and item number too. But the songs have turned out so-so. After Superman song, I was actually expecting a song like, "Devar ke Tevar, Bhabhi ke Zevar". It'd've been a chartbuster. But producers didn't ask me about it. Never mind. Arjun has miles to go before he can think of himself as an actor. A readymade halwa provided by his dad boney Kapoor doesn't do much. And banking on Salman(Boney has got the green signal for "No Entry Mein Entry") is for laughs. Salman's fans want to see only Salman. Why'd they want to waste money on references in another movie. Look at what happened to ex Sri Lanka President Mahinda Rajapaksa, for whom Salman campaigned actively December-end 2014. In the elections conducted on January 8 2015, Rajapaksa became an ex on January 9. Now he has an axe to grind with Salman. In this light, what can happen to Arjun on January 9 when the movie released? It has opened to lukewarm response. Sonakshi cannot act for her father's sake. 100% standard expressions. Both father-daughter travel in the same boat of non-actors. Her talent doesn't matches her weight. Anyways, with literally a movie of her's releasing each month, she'll soon be "in sight but out of mind". One can thank God for small mercies. She is also carrying on Salman's bandwagon. Raj Babbar is still doing a great job. His sorrow like Amitabh Bachchan is his kids, who(Arya and Juhi) have still to deliver a movie(forget a hit). Sometimes, fahters remain the crowning glory. Raj can take solace in that. Boney Kapoor will always bank on someone or the other. Earlier, it was brother Anil. Then the hundi became wifey Sridevi. Now, Salman till the time Arjun can come into his own. When will Boney be on his own? Good question. Finally, a Kabaddi match between Mathura and Agra leads to match-making between the obvious couple. Why no one thought of this unique idea before. Sports flowering into relationship. This is a match made without fixing. Wow. The couple is on the run. And the audience too mercifully runs away without becoming the baraati. Kabaddi, kabaddi, kabaddi, kabab mein haddi.

MSG: The Messenger of God2015

Central Board of Film Certification(CBFC) denied release certificate to MSG. Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh(47) lent support to BJP in Delhi election so BJP cleared the movie, making CBFC head Leela Samson resign en masse and infilling CBFC with BJP cadres. Singh's influence can be seen from the results of Delhi election where BJP ate the humble pie of getting 3 / 70 seats(Article 370!). This is the revenge or will of God. The Godman and the religious party both lie demolished. Many states officially and some unofficially banned the movie. But to the horror of Sikhs, the movie did release on Friday the 13th. The Godman's bhakts had to be bus-lifted to pre-booked theatres with pre- purchased tickets, that were distributed in Godman's bhakts villages. Don't know if popcorn and pop too were distributed free in the theatres. And later crocin and panadol for the headache the movie is. After demolishing religion and politics, the movie released. And despite the Indo-Pak match on Sunday, it did manage to garner Rs 2.50 crore, thus entering the number 10 spot of 2015 Top 10 Movies. This record was possible because all the releases this year up to now are SHITTY(Baby, Tevar, Roy, Shamitabh, Alone, Dolly Ki Doli, I, Khamoshiyan, Hawaizaada, MSG). The only reality and'God' of today is money and the Godman rides over due to this factor alone. For there is nothing spiritual about in the movie. There is no God in the movie except the Godman, who in all'humility' claims that he is insaan(he was doubtful!) and fakir! This movie is the 8th wonder of the world. The Godman himself is a wonder for he does everything - act, dance, sing, write, fight, the whole 9-yards. Next year all the National awards will go to this movie for it is simply unique. And even the Oscars and the Grammys! Gurmeet is the first Godman, to make a movie and release it too. The movie is based on a noble cause - eradication of drugs and other vices from today's youth. Suffice it to say, if he wants to help today's youth, he should create jobs for them instead of turning his black money to white. The Godman does not resemble any hero. There are no heroics except a over-decked up podgy hairy hairy(giving stiff competition to Anil Kapoor), who thinks he is God's answer to all evils on earth. He also has 3-4 heroines dancing to his tunes. This is enough to make you cry. Are the times so bad that nubile nymphets are made to cater to this .'s whims and fancies. My head is spinning, actually blowing. I can't feel there is any brain left, forget intelligence. This Godman needs immediate acting lessons. And even after that, it is remote that he can ever act! It's a wonder how he inspires his legions of bhakts. I really pity them. Poor souls. Why fake Godmen are making a mess of Indian faiths time and again? When will public come to their senses? After watching this'movie', I've a message of my own. To reach out to God, you don't need Godmen. Pray sincerely and spiritually. You don't need anything in between God and you. This Godman himself needs worldly goods and pleasures. What can he do for Indian needy and poor? Shame upon him. He should spiritually connect with God. He should to his job of a Godman and never act. Jiska kaam usi ko saajhe. Aur kare toh danda baaje. The icing on the cake is the sequel to this'movie' too is getting readied for a release later this year. Sir mundaate hi ole pade! Can hardly digest this first part. My hair are rising even at the thought of it. This is truly horrific! This is not a movie. When last heard, Aamir Khan went into depression finding a rival to his PK! Bachche ko rulayega, kya? BTW, the ratings are single as nothing below single is available. So, this is not reflective of my true rating, which is of course .000000000000000000.

Badlapur2015

Well, well. Until now, 2015 has delivered only duds. But BADLAPUR is a diamond that shines amidst a slew of usual slush. The credit for it partially goes to director Sriram Raghavan(Ek Hasina Thi 2004, Johnny Gaddaar 2007, Agent Vinod 2012) for a taut thriller, that occasionally gives in for lack of story and narrative. But still the thriller genre that it is, it does have its moments and the yawning public gets their dose of rushing adrenaline. It could have been better, no doubt but at least there is something that keeps you awake and interested instead of the usual boring movies. Badlapur is actually a town and nagar panchayat in Jaunpur district, MP. But the town has no connection to the movie's namesake place. The name is for the sole reason of revenge. And violent revenge saga it is. This is the first time after a long time, I want to write this story. Raghu(Varun Dhawan, 27), an advertising executive has a beautiful life with wife Misha(Yami Gautam, 26) and son Robin. But a spanner is put in it when an unexpected fatal bank robbery leaves his wife and son dead. Raghu himself never comes to terms with his life. He is dead. What keeps him alive is REVENGE with a capital R. One of the robbers Liak(Nawazuddin Siddiqui, 40) is caught while escaping. He confesses to inspector(Govind Mishra) and puts the blame on his partner Harman(Vinay Pathak, 46) for the killings and escaping with the booty. Liak is sent to 20 years in jail. Inspector(Govind Mishra) cannot do much. But Raghu consumed by rage hires a private detective Joshi(Ashwini Kalsekar, 45), who finds Liak's girlfriend and sex worker Jhimli/Shabnam(Huma Qureshi, 28). 15 years pass. Liak is diagnosed with cancer. An NGO worker / prisoner counselor Shobha(Divya Dutta, 37) tells Raghu to let bygones be bygones. Liak's mother(Pratima Kazmi) tells Raghu about Harman, who now runs a successful seafood restaurant Konkan Queen. Raghu befriends Harman's simple wife Koko(Radhika Apte, 29), who is unaware of her husband's past. Raghu brutally ends koko and Harman's life. Liak comes to collect his share of the loot and faces Raghu. Liak admits to killing Raghu's wife. Liak has a change of heart and takes the onus of Harman / Koko's killings on his own head. Liak dies. But Raghu lives minus the rage and any motive in his life. The movie is a male triangle with Varun, Nawaz and Vinay. Varun does a fine job but the angst and simmering rage that should emanate from him is missing. The depth and maturity that is required to deal with Raghu's character, isn't there. This could be put to his lack of experience and inadequate guidance. Considering the number and type of movies he has done until now, this movie is a refreshing change. He has taken a risk to attempt this movie and if guided well, Varn will develop into a fine actor. That leaves the field open for Nawaz, who continues with his KICK role. His kinky, maniacal and care-a-damn attitude is a revelation again. While in jail, he doesn't mind needling dangerous inmate Guru(Murali Sharma). Although Vinay hasn't been given much publicity, it is good to see him back. He is a foil to Nawaz. Although the movie is a male show, if we look on the other side, it is the women, who hold the show. Yami and Radhika play the simple housewives, who get involved in ploys of someone else's making. Why did they die? Why did fate deal a cruel blow to Raghu's happy life? All the characters live half lives. Huma leaves when Liak dies. Varun has no life sans family and finally his rage is quietened with the two robbers' deaths. But does rage and revenge give him peace? The women are actually the backbone of this movie, who silently piece together the movie. Both Varun and Yami have a long way to go. With time, both will mature. They make a fine pair. Pakistani singer Atif Aslam was missing from the singing scene. He returns with a bang with Jeena Jeena song. It is simply superb. Jee Karda and Judaai are other hummable numbers that will stay with us for a long time. To keep up with the theme of revenge, there is Badla Badla. Finally, the message is loud and clear - Crime never pays. As an audience, you will not be disappointed with the show. It fills in the lacuna left behind by the other lackadaisical shows. Go for it. And "Don't Miss The Beginning."

Furious 72015

Move over banal movies. The baap of all movies arrives and how. It will be weeks or maybe months, before people will get over it. And that is not any time sooner. F&F7 has taken the world by storm and this is not going to stop, not by any standard if the crowds in cinemas is anything to go by. First about the story. After defeating Owen Shaw and his crew, Dominic Toretto(Vin Diesel), Brian O'Conner(Paul Walker) and the rest of the crew are able to return to the United States and live normal lives again as they had wanted. However, Owen's older brother, Deckard Shaw(Jason Statham), is after Dom and his crew, seeking revenge for his brother's death and putting the entire crew in danger once more. After learning of Han's death, the crew sets out to find the man who killed one of their own, before he finds them first. The story is nothing. Bu the action is simply superb. And the cars are just out of this world. Imagine the cars are flying after rolling out of the plane. It's too grand to be put in simple words. Some movies are just to be watched rather be read about. F&F7 is one such movie. Vin Diesel has out-performed himself. One can't get enough of this guy. He is the Salman Khan of Hollywood. Well, at the end of the movie, one can shed tears for Paul Walker. But, what the heck! Amidst cars, babes and action, this blockbuster glory has taken over the world. You will watch this movie more than once. For once is not enough. Last but not the least is the entry of our Indian'hero' Ali Fazal(28) in an Arab avatar. The cameo is just three scenes but it is a welcome change(much better than Anil Kapoor's pompous'blink-n-miss' role in 24). It is welcome because this is a hardcore action movie and to get this much space is awesome. Till now, only boring artistic Indian characters were played out Naseeruddin Shah or Irfan Khan. F&F7 opens roads for commercial Indian characters. There is genuine hope for Indian actors in Hollywood now. Kudos to Ali. Atta boy! For the uninitiated, Furious 7(Fast & Furious 7 / Furious Seven) is the sequel to the 2013 film Fast & Furious 6 and the seventh instalment in the Fast & Furious film series. With the previous three instalments being set between 2 Fast 2 Furious(2003) and The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift(2006), F7 is the first film of the series to take place after TD. Paul Walker died on November 30 2013, with filming only half-completed. Walker's brothers Caleb and Cody Walker were used as stand-ins to complete his remaining scenes. F7 released in 3D internationally. Noel Gugliemi reprises his role from the first film as Hector, a street race organizer. Iggy Azalea makes a cameo appearance. CAST: Vin Diesel(Dominic Toretto), Paul Walker(Brian O'Conner), Dwayne Johnson(Luke Hobbs), Michelle Rodriguez(Letty Ortiz), Jordana Brewster(Mia Toretto), Tyrese Gibson(Roman Pearce), Chris Bridges(Tej Parker), Lucas Black(Sean Boswell), Jason Statham(Deckard Shaw), Elsa Pataky(Elena Neves), Kurt Russell(Frank Petty), Tony Jaa(Kiet), Ronda Rousey(Kara), Nathalie Emmanuel(Megan Ramsey), Djimon Hounsou(Jakande), John Brotherton(Sheppard), and Ali Fazal. THE MOVIE SEQUELS: The Fast and the Furious(2001, $ 207.28) 2 Fast 2 Furious(2003, $ 236.35) The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift(2006, $ 158.46) Fast & Furious(2009, $ 363.16) Fast Five(2011, (626.13) Fast & Furious 6(2013, $ 788.67) Furious 7(2015, India record-breaking highest Rs 12 crore first day in four languages) Furious 8(2017) THE FUTRE IS F&F: In March 2015, Vin Diesel stated that the eighth film will take place in New York with Kurt Russell's character, Mr. Nobody, having a larger role for this sequel. Helen Mirren has expressed interest in appearing in the eighth installment. Dwayne Johnson has expressed interest in future films in the series and stated that there are plans for a spin-off film featuring his character Hobbs, but that it would not be filmed or released until after the seventh film is released. Ludacris has expressed interest in a spin-off with him and Tyrese reprising their roles as Tej Parker and Roman Pierce. After watching it, couldn't sleep the entire night, dreaming with open eyes of the dynamic action. Would like to watch it second, perhaps third and definitely the tenth time. Can't get enough of the movie. More power to F&F. What r u waiting for? Get going!

Bombay Velvet2015

This is the third turkey Ranbir Kapoor delivers after Abhinav Kashyap's Besharam (2013) and Roy (2015). A hat-trick no doubt. Both Kashyap brothers - Abhinav and Anurag have wrongly milked Ranbir dry. Ranbir should pull up his socks and get married to Kat for her luck to rub off on him. He looks lost in the movie with a dopey look. Too much of inhaled stuff, I guess. All that 60s' look and classic and dark shoots fall flat. No amount of media glorifying it will work. This is banal tamasha to wait for Kat's Jagga Jasoos (2016). Anushka Sharma is no Deepika Padukone, not even an iota close. After her lip job, she looks like a bee-strung blob. And the weird dresses she hangs over her, compete with tents. Next year she'll get the National Award for no category. Karan Johar should stick to being a 'director'. That spot was also courtesy SRK. Johar is till now considered gay. Post-release of this movie, he may have to look for other labels! Jiska kaam usi ko saajhe. Aur kare toh danda baaje. With a stiff upper lip (effect of mouche) he hardly performs forget act. He is debuting with this movie and his role is shaped after Blitz editor Russi Karanjia. OK, that's inuf! The songs r something from Mars, I mean 'out of this world'. So, let them remain out of this world. We mere mortals cannot decipher them, forget enjoy. Not only the movie is based on a book, even its poster is plagiarized from English movie (Gone With The Wind, 1939). But the Hindi actors forgot to ape their English counterparts! Even there is a remix song of Jaata kahan hai deewane (CID, 1956). There is no novelty or creativity in the movie, except borrowed plumes. As far as the ishtory goes (u still waiting for it!!!), watch an 80s' Amit or Dharam's movie. An aspiring boxer hero, a singer heroine and a cardboard villain with a feel for the heroine. Each one of them is a cardboard. No actors. Raveena Tandon Thadani in a special appearance does the opening credits with a dance number. Balraj (Ranbir Kapoor) is a son of a sex worker. Frustration leads him to becoming a boxer to earn ready cash. His good friend is Chiman (Satyadeep Misra). They work for Kaizad Khambata (Karan Johar), editor of the tabloid Torrent. Kaizad offers his wife Mrs Khambatta (Shanti) to lure other men to blackmail them. His interest is in men. He tells Balraj to take care of his club Bombay Velvet and also to gradually finish off the communists. Jimmy Mistry (Manish Chaudhury), is the editor of labour tabloid Glitz. Jimmy sends a singer Rosie Noronha (Anushka Sharma) to lure Balraj. But the duo fall in love. And...Kaizad too develops feelings for Rosie! Mayhem follows literally. The 'heart'y wars take over media wars. Think about Times of India vs Hindustan Times or The Hindu vs The Indian Express or The Telegraph vs whatever... The audience may not wait for this lengthy banal movie's inane ending. Both Persis Khambatta and Kaizad Gustad may take offence to 'Kaizad Khambatta'. The only plus to this movie is it is rich with Parsi characters. As far as director Anurag Kashyap goes, he can take solace in his ex-wife Kalki Koechlin's marvelous performances. A terrific actress. He should hang up his director's boots. Period. He is no creative person. He just want to move up the social ladder making trash. Naach na jaane, aangan tedha. Anurag was dilly-dallying on this turkey's release. He knew its fate. He shouldn't have made. He shouldn't have released it. There were two earthquakes in Nepal. This is a man-made one in India that'll paralyze the audience in to curly thinking. Historian Gyan Prakash (63), on whose book MUMBAI FABLES (2010), this movie is based on, will be left tearing his hair out. He'll spent sleepless nights till the day he reaches grave, where he'll toss and turn! Two good movies - ISHQEDARRIYAAN and LATEEF pushed forward their release later this month to offer space to this turkey. They shouldn't have bothered. This movie needs at least 200 weeks continuously to make its presence felt. I can predict its BO but why bother for what'll be apparent soon? Pahlaj Nihalani has a lot to answer for letting it go without cuts. He should resign when he doesn't know his job instead of being a BJP stooge. Even God will NOT save this movie...even with a barge pole. It shouldn't have been attempted.

Piku2015

Women-oriented movies are a big business now. A few years back, they were scoffed at and consigned to 'women only' category as audience was limited for these targeted movies. Some became a commercial hits but others were the festival stuff or critics' 'delight'. But they were not on par with heroes' commercial movies. Over the years, matters have changed gradually. Heroine-centric movies are not only being watched, they are doing big business. The heroine is slowly becoming the 'hero'. Each heroine is doing at least one woman-centric film. They are low-budgeted so if they make profit, it is like icing on the cake. Mind you, they are not artistic in the traditional sense or parallel cinema. The line has blurred. And these movies are totally mainstream. These movies add to their acting portfolio too. While some women roles are memorable, many films are based on women. Right from Seeta Devi (Durgesh Nandini, 1927), Zubeida (Alam Ara, 1931), Leela Chitnis (Bandhan, 1940), Nargis (Mother India, 1957), Madhubala (Mughal-e-Azam, 1960), Meena Kumari (Pakeezah, 1972), Simi Garewal (Karz, 1980), Meenakshi Seshadri (Damini, 1993), Aishwarya Rai (Provoked, 2006), Preity Zinta (Kya Kehna, 2000), Tabu (Chandni Bar, 2001), Karisma Kapoor (Zubaida, 2001), Lisa Ray (Water, 2005), Kajol (Gupt, 1997), Shilpa Shetty (Phir Milenge, 2004), Sushmita Sen (Filhaal, 2002), Mallika Sherawat (Murder, 2004), Vidya Balan (Kahaani, 2012), Rani Mukerji (Black, 2005), Kareena Kapoor (Heroine, 2012), Priyanka Chopra (Mary Kom, 2014), Kalki Koechlin (Margarita With A Straw, 2015), Kangana Ranaut (Queen, 2014), Anushka Sharma (NH10, 2015), Alia Bhatt (Highway, 2014), and Deepika Padukone (Piku, 2015), and the list continues to 2015 and still pouring. It will go on till the cinema is alive, for without women there is no life. Back to Piku. It is the story of a father-daughter relationship that is surviving with bowel movements and then a road trip! Well, this is the gist of the story. 70-year-old Bhashkor Banerjee (Amitabh Bachchan) resides in Delhi along with his 30-year-old daughter Piku (Deepika Padukone). It is not easy tolerating Bhashkor as he is obsessed with his bowel movement. Piku works to run home. She has her own insecurities and ways to deal with them. Rana Chaudhary (Irfan Khan) is a taxi company owner, who secretly admires Deepika and helps out this Bengali family. As Bhashkor ages, he wishes for a trip to his home place Kolkata. Due to his bowel habits, he cannot think of travelling in plane. So a road trip it should be in Rana's cab with the potty place on top of the cab. Constipation plays a deadly role in cutting short Bhashkor's long life. Relief. Piku unites with Rana or on some such note the movie ends. The story is simply but the light hearted comedy arising out of Amitabh's constipation propels the movie. Of course, there is a real father - daughter relationship that at times is turbulent. Akshay Oberoi is in a cameo as Dippy's suitor. It was a delight to see Moushumi Chatterjee in the movie. Well, the movie could be called deePIKA (not PITA or PAKA) or PADUkone (stinks!) so a combo resulted in PIKU. This is a sparkling, heart-warming movie that gladdens the cockles of the heart. At times I sympathized with the father but most of the times I empathized with the daughter. I could understand her dilemma although the constipation part was new. And those associated weird sounds! Yuck! Three odd people come together and make a watchable whole. Not an easy thing in these times of picture perfect movies. So, next year, same time when Dippy gets her National film Award, don't forget that I already told you so via this review. Dippy is going from strength to strength. With Kat out of the way, this movie will further consolidate her position of being the number 1 heroine. And rightly so. She deserves it. This movie is the proof.

Mad Max: Fury Road2015

Look no further. There r lights. There r cameras. All it requires is action. And there is plenty of action when it comes to Mad Max series. Summer is always hot and sweaty. This movie will make u hot and work on your sweat glands like there is no tomorrow. The steam has build up for the summer holidays. You don't need to go to a hill station to escape the heat and dust. Just head towards any cinema hall playing Mad Max. U r bound to be in action mood. And action it is. Mad Max: Fury Road is an Australian post-apocalyptic action film, and the fourth film of Mad Max franchise. Mad Max series has been known for Mel Gibson (59) in the title role. Sadly, this one has no Gibson at all. Times have moved forward. And a young, dashing and action-packed hero has taken over now. The world has bee overtaken by calamities and catastrophes. There has been the downfall of civilization. And time has moved on to the future. An ex-cop Max Rockatansky's (Tom Hardy, 37) family with wife Jessie (Joanne Samuel, 57) was killed in a city collapse earlier. Now, he comes across Imperator Furiosa (Charlize Theron, 39), a woman who is trying to cross a vast desert. She has along with her Five Wives - Queen Angharad The Splendid (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, 28), Queen Capable (Riley Keough, 25), Queen Toast The Knowing (Zoe Kravitz, 26), The Dag Queen (Abbey Lee, 27), and Queen Cheedo The Fragile (Courtney Eaton, 19). These women are escaping from the tyrannical fascist ruler, King Immortan Joe (Hugh Keays-Byrne, 67) and his ruthless army - the War Boys. They rule over a totalitarian desert kingdom - the Wasteland. Joe wants the Wives back as they can give birth to his future children to be shaped in his perverse image. The women see Max as their savior as he knows the desert like the back of his hand. But Max refuses to help them, until Joe imprisons him and tortures him. He can escape but only with the help of Furiosa and the Wives. And escape they do. With their escape, all hell breaks loose. The War Boys pursue them like mad hungry dogs. Can this band of six escape from the hot pursuit or even survive? What a dynamic action. It has to be seen to be believed. Just like Gibson, Tom Hardy has a future beyond future in Hollywood. He is an able successor to Gibson. And Charlize Theron is an action queen ready to erupt like a bomb. She is a visual delight. And the villain Byre is a revelation. He adds to the list of illustrious villains. The movie doesn't let the audience rest right from the word go. And at the ending, one is left asking for more. So there is a fifth sequel to look forward to. Can't have enough of Mad Max. Enjoy the Namibian desert and Sydney hills and lakes shoot. Junkie XL's musical score is definitely an add-on. Special effects and stunts with over 150 stunt performers, which included Cirque du Soleil performers and Olympic athletes completes this out-of-this-world movie. What more can we have! SEQUELS: 1. Mad Max (April 12 1979; Mel Gibson, Joanne Samuel): In apocalyptic Australia, the society has broken down and gangs have taken over. Cop Max Rockatansky (Mel Gibson) turns judge, and executioner after his best friend, wife and baby are killed. The family man turns mad for revenge. The antihero takes to the road in vengeance to oblivion. The film turned Mel Gibson into an overnight star along with Joanne Samuel. 2. Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (December 24 1981, Mel Gibson): A community of settlers move to defend themselves against a roving band of marauders. Mad Max becomes humane and the cynical drifter agrees to help a small, gasoline rich, community escape a band of bandits. 3. Mad Max 3: Beyond Thunderdome (July 10 1985, Mel Gibson, Tina Turner): Max is rescued by children when he is banished from a desert town Bartertown and sent into the desert to die by the desert town's evil queen Aunty Entity (Tina Turner). 4. Mad Max: Fury Road: (May 15 2015, Tom Hardy, Charlize Theron). 5. Mad Max: Furiosa: (2016, Tom Hardy).

Mr Joe B. Carvalho2014

Well, the title is a creative play on words. And it does tickle ur funny bone (if u've one!). After DHOOM 3, where bikes were the hero, heroine and the other sans story (reflects on viewers' idea of entertainment to make it 250+ cr rich!), JBC is a classic if u want to raise a few harmless cackles. U DON'T need to think (who does now-a-days in a cinema hall) except go on with the happenings on screen and laugh. I did and thoroughly enjoyed it. After D3, I can bravely face anything to avoid terrible head/heart ache! Frankly, JBC is an entertaining fare and u can enjoy it. If u could tolerate D3, this one is a cake talk. It did relieve my D3 anger, made me relaxed and more importantly to look forward to watching other forthcoming idiotic Hindi movies. It's not a bad movie. Give it a chance. Chances r u'll appreciate the earnest effort to entertain us viewers. Arshad Farsi was trained and launched by Amitabh Bachchan's god-forsaken acting training school many summers back. The movie along with the school bombed big time but both the actors r still amidst us. And that says a lot! Both've their movies releasing today. SHOLAY 3D is a worthless exercise on the now-classic. The original may still be playing in some Indian cinema hall. Why remake it in 3D when Sunny'll be launching his son soon? I mean, what's the idea behind this futile exercise considering re-releases (MUGHAL E AZAM, HUM DONO, etc) failed big time. This 're release may've tickled someone's fancy. When original is available, I don't wish to go for fancied stuff. Anyways, JBC has done the needful and no stomach for 3D or whatever D! Looking forward to Sunny-son debut! ·~》

One By Two2014

Well, with due apologies to the English classic, the days of farts and passing gas r back (never mind if only for a limited time on-screen). Salman started it all and did with elan. V all loved HDDCS (1999) and watched it repeatedly. He then made the delectable HELLO BROTHER (1999)! Ranbir Kapoor tried it in BESHARAM (2013) and the movie too was gone.... Aamir actually turned shitty with 3 IDIOTS (2009) and DELHI BELLY (2011) and scored centum. Different strokes for different people. At times, a certain section among Indians prefer sound and stink, peeing and shitting and also s.. movies. This is one among them and can score from decent to 100-cr depending on crowd response. (Remember GRAND MASTI, 2013, fluke hit 100-cr). Now people can swear instead of 'holy shit' to 'hot farts'. Now, v 've Abhay Deol trying the same gas in his producer-debut venture and meets a deadly end. It's so stinky that forget boring; even after coming out of the theatre, one can feel nauseated and avoid food for days to come. And the gas sound can keep one off from many crucial things in life. This variety of movies are preferred by Delhiites so the movie has all the chances of doing well in the Capital and surrounding areas. Yes, Abhay is endearing and worth a watch but why this boring stuff. Rest, there is nothing to write about. After seeing this movie, one can get stomach upset and can develop gas complications leading to non-stop sounds and stink-bombs! I wondered about the title of this movie - whether it applies to house size or single becoming a pair or whatever... Can't play with my brain or else I'll have to...you know! What Abhay does is turn his real life romance to reel life with Preeti Desai. They are portraying a happy estranged couple on the brink of re-union. They meet at potty (not party silly) at the sound of farting (not New Year sounds). Something, new eh! It takes guts (and farts) to make THIS movie! This can also be a love-triangle with a suitable girl Yashika Dhillon thrown in to be an optional second pairing opposite Abhay. Indian govt is giving 12 gas cylinders now. They can be filled FREE by Indians self-production. Will this be combustible or non-combustible gas? And don't ask about the story. How can I tell, when all I thought was EXITing and becoming sane. (just kidding.) Writing a review for today's idiotic movies is an art by itself. And this is no movie. It is docu-drama, art, parallel cinema, whatever... The less said, the better. In today's movies, there is no story. They are either hits or flop depending on the viewers patronizing them. This one tends to belong to romantic genre that was best NEVER made. Watch it with your partner to know why NOT to ever get married! Watch it as it is truly badboo ki raas leela. God save the theaters where it is shown as they shouldn't crumble with sound, stink and loo-lines. JAI HO is safe and can continue unhindered. Abhay Deol too will see 100-cr - not at the threatres but at the loos!

Jai Ho2014

Will you believe if Arvind Kejriwal leaves being an activist and returns a slap for a slap(eent ka jawaab patthar se). Aam aadmi can tolerate only so much and will go ahead in combat form if things come to a dead end. A one-man David army can topple the Goliath. Here the size does matter. And the'lion'(hero) paws, bites, roars and tears apart the villains. This is nothing new for Salman Khan. He has done it all. But political activism may be something new for him. There is the(Congess) villain Home Minister Dashrath Singh(Danny Danzongpa) and the(AAP) good Chief Minister(Mohnish Behl). There is a Gujarati flavored heroine(Modi, BJP) and there is aam aadmi, our hero Jai Bhai(taking over from Munna Bhai turned Kejriwal). So, you get the picture. But there are so many characters that instead of a review, I may have to write a biography. English movie PAY IT FORWARD(2000) paved way for STALIN(2006, Telugu) which has been remade into JAI HO(2014, Hindi). Well, brother-director Sohail Khan has proven, he cannot direct a movie leave alone Salman. And Salman merely humored his brother and obliged his commitment(ek bar commitment kar di.). But the entertaining spirit of Salman is missing. He is just going through the motions. There is nothing lively about the entire movie. This is the first time, I am thoroughly disappointed with a Sallu movie. Salman Khan will join AAP if the movie is anything to go by. After over a month, another super blockbuster release. With BO success written all over it, the movie is beyond review. V'll all wait for the inevitable records it'll create. What else is there in today's big box movies? Suffice it to say, it is a definite treat for the fans and will contribute to ever-growing Salmania. With God above and fans below, the cinema halls r the temples to hero-worship. Here, 'critics' r considered aliens and'reviews' r ineffective. Even the'critics''ve seen the movie and given their two-paisa worth review/advise. They should wisely shut-up and enjoy. Here, go with the flow. Why waste ur'bad' breath(do u daatun or brush-up)? The worst(or best) part is Salman didn't hold the'free' press show. He doesn't consider them worthy. So forget their'mighty' pen. The movie is beyond praise or criticism as it joins the predictable long list of prestigious 100+ to 300+ cr club. With Salman overtaking the silver screens and Kejriwal doing the same in Delhi streets, Aam aadmi is in for tehelka in India. This Republic Day, it is JAI HO.(Still waiting for a review. Don't ask for silly things and drill some sense in ur bheja.) By regular standards, the movie is the 80s nightmare oft-repeated. It is difficult to swallow. Heroine Daisy Shah(30, Afia Mohammed from Afghanistan) dances like a peacock and that's it. She is an eye-candy and also an arm-candy. Nadira Babbar should stop acting if at all that is what she knows. Tabu should wait for good roles. Salman should stop acting opposite kid-heroines. He in many frames looks bulky apology.

Dedh Ishqiya2014

Probably, after MUNNA BHAI series' Munna-Circuit jodi, now Khalujaan-Babban have taken over. (Khalu like aalu, bhalu, kaalu, lalu, wagerah, wagerah...) Khalu in Urdu stands for maternal aunt's husband. Such raw and boiling "chemistry" can put the chill out from this winter. Naseeruddin Shah (63, Iftekhar/Khalujaan) by merely being in a frame makes it classic. Arshad Warsi (45, Razzaq Hussain/Babban) is the most under-rated actor, who still hasn't got his due. Had Amitabh invested his billions in Arshad instead of the perennial struggler, he'd've recovered his investment with handsome gains by now. You need to have a sound knowledge of Urdu language to grasp the subtleties and fineries of this beautiful language. Otherwise everything'll go over the head and one may not enjoy the bickerings and tu-tu main-main. Absolutely brilliant. Dialogues are simply delectable. You will remember them long after. Cinematography too is mind-blowing. I know Photoshop is an excellent makeup software. But what should I do when I am against makeup itself. I prefer natural beauty. And what can one say about the Photoshop queen Madhuri (46, Begum Para). She looks like Babban's mother but tries looking like Huma Qureshi (27, Muniya) babe (mother/aunt-niece jodi.) That charming smile isn't the same. Time and again "comebacks" can take its toll. Why can't she rest and watch the younger heroines' movies. After her insensitive and gross Saifai 1-crore nautanki, she may've been consigned to where she should be. She may have "lost" a chunk of her fan-following and wonder if a few hundreds will patronize it. The movie's chances r grim. I pity her and sympathize with her desperation. Women-centred flicks never fared well barring a few. She must have invested heavily in this movie and the next "comeback" GULABI GANG. She is ready to give "tough" competition to TV vampish tai and sasu ma and... Couldn't she learn something from Sadhna!!! I must appreciate her optimism to go on re-inventing herself. I wonder if her kids will know her through her screen presence only as mother is 'shooting'. Shraddha Kapoor and Amrita Puri are in item numbers that are not exactly needed. Although the movie boasts of six songs, none are actually hummable. Vijay Raz (50, Jan Mohammed, politician) is in a class of his own. Words don't do justice to what he brings to screen. Kudos. He is ably assisted by Ravi Gosain (Liyaqat Ali) and Manoj Pahwa (50). Marvellous actors dotting the Indian acting scene instead of the crass moneyed non-actors. '-[ DI may not compete with its prequel ISHQIYA (2010) but it is an excellent encore to male bonding. Naseer-Arshad will win many awards for their roles. They tug at the heart-strings. I will wait for Part 3 too if this male team remains. But they should avoid Photoshop heroines. Makeup stage tak OK hain heroines le le. Har din aisi film nahin aati.

Dhoom 32013

D3 is the usual marketing, media and money enterprise. One can see it once for Aamir Khan and that's it. It's a lift-off from NOW YOU SEE ME (2013) and other English movies. Even Aamir's poster is a copy of DARK KNIGHT (2008). Even bike scenes r inspired by DARK KNIGHT. Songs r passable. Bike chase scenes standout. Katrina has already shown everything on her private holiday with Ranbir and I didn't expect her to act. If she looks good, she is doing her job which is the least she can do. And the two Mumbai Pandu r passe. It's time to change them. Anyways, I guess it is curtains for this doom series. How much can u stretch the stale stuff when the original English movies offer more adrenalin. This is a heist movie WITHOUT the heist being shown. And there is a surprise/suspense angle! At times, Aamir reminded me of Atal Behari Vajpayee in facial expressions. Since jaadu (magic) was at core, l visualized jaadu of KRRISH! But it was like "what u see is not what u get." I remembered jhaadu of Kejriwal. Also zandu balm for joint-breaking stunts. Also Devyani Cobra-Gate for committing crime in NY. Aamir has intensity of expressions and that made movies like GHAJINI, RDB, TZP a huge success. But D2 is all to do with raw physicality and tall torso. Aamir didn't fit the bill here with his short stature. Why do u need Chicago when Bangalore would've done? There r many NRIs to decode the Hindi (Bank walon tumhari aisi ki taisi!). And US cops r not Indian panda sorry pandu! WHY was this movie made? (For providing employment to role-less strugglers two Pandu - Yajuj Majuj!). Sahir's clown mask'd've fitted perfectly well these two fright-face pandu. Pity, he leaves the mask behind at bank instead of plastering at their mugs! HOW did Mumbai police employ these two Pandu and to send them abroad? R these two detective/investigators/cops? Did they go sans Indian passports on Indian bikes? HOW did they get American visa? HOW! HOW!! HOW!!! Could a RTI be done on what basis America took this decision? Do Americans need Indian Circus? Who r the patronisers of this laborious exercise of a circus that'll never yield money! Does anyone attend circus in India? These two pandu are so ineffective that since 2004, they could NOT even get married! But then logic has no place amidst magic! Is Section 377 applicable on two Pandu? After mission accomplished, the two Pandu r promoted to Mumbai Police Commissioners! This happens only in India! For laughter, I recalled the promo quotes of two Pandu: P1: D3 is my movie. I'm the hero. If it doesn't succeed, who'll offer me roles in future!!!!!!!! P2: The credit for D3 success is all mine! (ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL...) Can't say anything except Aamir definitely had his own valid reasons to attempt this trash. And I (like many) had grand expectations. Like its said: fool & his money r soon parted. Thank God! It's year-end goof. D3 will definitely make 410+ cr in 14 days and set a new record! WHO CARES? Better luck next year. JAI HO!

Shahid2013

This is the one. It is one among us. If anyone wishes to see India, s/he should see its middle-class. For that is where changes happen largely. No society can say it is rich or poor for its belly constitutes the middle order and that is where the true opinion comes from. And the Indian middle-order has the clean, bare and stark look that doesn't need gloss and hits you right in the middle. You can imprison a body but not the spirit. It is free of all needs and want. A true human being is independent of any religious affiliations. It works for every other human. SHAHID traces the true story of slain human rights activist and lawyer Shahid Azmi. From attempting to become a terrorist to being wrongly imprisoned under a draconian anti-terrorism law to becoming a criminal lawyer, SHAHID traces the inspiring personal journey of a boy who became an unlikely messiah for human rights while following the rise of communal violence in India. This story of an impoverished Muslim struggling to come to terms with injustice, inequality and rising above his circumstances is an inspiring testament to the human spirit. Raj Kumar Yadav brings out this middle-class angst. He is not playing a role, he is living it. He is Shahid. The torture comes alive through him. His life has been wasted. He has been wrongly implicated. How will the society accept him? But he flows against the tide and shows if one is determined, then the world is his oyster. To keep sanity, when everything is going wrong is portrayed so vividly that the viewer feels it is a piece of everyday life. There is no crass glamour. The courtroom drama and false verdicts are portrayed as they are delivered. But the system produces someone to counter it. Could anyone have played it better than Yadav? The answer lies in will there be another movie of SHAHID's calibre? Credit should also be given to director Hansal Mehta for having the conviction to go ahead with the project and bringing out a gem that will be appreciated for ages to come. He makes the viewer live through the movie and come out hopeful. This year cardboard heroes were rejected. And larger than-life-movies bit the dust. But the middle class hero came alive with KAI PO CHE (Sushant Singh Rajput) and SHAHID continues the trend for Yadav. The Indian hero has arrived. If you want to steel your determination and live as per your convictions, then go ahead and see how life can turn out for a junooni. Akela chana bhaad phod sakta hai. There is nothing right or wrong. There is only a middle-path. And that could be fatal too. Will you take a chance? I did. I watched the movie. I identified with Yadav's portrayal. The movie shines solely due to his presence. Rest everything is inconsequential. And can only say, Uchhal kar woh nahin chalte, jo maahir hon kisi fan mein Chhalak jaate hain paimaane, hamesha chhote bartan mein. Small movie. Big impact. The arrival of a middle-class hero, where the spirit of India lies. Get going.

Boss2013

BOSS: Baas Maarta Hai! Do you all really expect to read a review? I won't believe that, especially after debacles called MKBKM, MKH, DAVID, DMD, VISHWAROOP, DKLS, I ME AUR MAIN, SBAGR, 3G, EK THI DAAYAN, BOMBAY TALKIES, GO GOA GONE, AURANGZEB, YPD 2, GHANCHAKKAR, SATYAGRAHA, ZANJEER, HIMMATWALA, CHENNAI EXPRESS, PPNK, BESHARAM and now BOSS. When we've BIGG BOSS 7 for free, why'd we watch another BOSS and that too paying for a ticket for another mindless flick (outrageous after BESHARAM). And it is a Wednesday release too like B. People've forgotten to learn from others' mistakes and want to make their own expensive blunders. This year doesn't favour stars and big budget movies. And this one comes minus the regular side-show called a heroine to deflect attention. Had I got the ticket free too, I'd've expected a free Tylenol, pop, popcorn, to-'n-fro fare, hourly pay, and wasting time on festive day. But had I had a good sleep while watching it, I'd ask for a proxy review writer too. I can visualise whatever viewers with red faces and steam coming out of their ears and snarling teeth/jaws. (Never mind exaggeration. Imagination can do funny things when one wants to be happy in the face of a head-ache.) It's about time; filmmakers started the tradition of throwing a pre-release party for soon-to-be-declared festive failure fare. I'd like to know such rich producers. Even I've ideas (of course, for making an intelligent movie. Just finished numbering the pages with the last number being 7867867... Mind u, this is not FB likes number.) I'm so disgusted with this BS show that doesn't entertain. I enjoy movies. I laugh. And then I write heartily about them. But same kachra, week after week. No novelty. Hero heroines make load of cash. Then promote their movies to "go and watch in cinemas only" and what do we get after paying for hefty tickets. I've better things to do. I'm not getting adequate gaaliyan to print for BOSS. It has a dated look. Same stale stuff. Suffice it to say, that no one can write a review for this movie as there is simply no story. If you are missing mother Nirupa Roy, see Mithun Chakraborty, who'll beat her dead and win the Mother title hands down. Sicko! It is time new younger heroes were brought on screen. Akshay shows his age. Dyed hair, sagging skin and at 46, he can complement the evergreen buddha of Hindi movies, who goes on and on, on the basis of crass marketing, media and money. This is the limit. We want to see 20+ hero heroines. Remember BITTOO BOSS? These 40+/50+/60+/70+ should act as fathers and grandfathers NOW. Why should we see new wigs, dentures, botox skin, glasses, nose jobs, and flab? Why should we contribute for their medical conditions and equipment? They are beyond makeup stage. Why aren't the young and beautiful given a chance instead of promoting these qabar ke murde? Watch this one alone as it is better to cry alone. Or if you wish to cry then why not sit at home

Besharam2013

BESHARAM is a worthy successor to BARFI to be sent for Oscars. KAASH, we all could YAP! Thank God, we can't! Agar ek bhai ka dabba gol ho gaya (THE LUNCH BOX), toh duusre ka flat tire. And still both r providing unasked for whinebites. Aadat se majboor. Never mind. Not everyone can make a film only for Oscars. Bade Bhaiya was ready with designer suit, French cut (that doesn't change basic small town goonda look) and acquired a much younger foreign looking wife also (a non-actress, who can open her cave-like mouth). She could look good hanging over the arm. Sound-bites were ready but the red carpet was pulled from under as the main product is inferior. But the second kind brother is ready (not with the product but "l can do better than u at being WORST".) Courtesy big brother, he acquires star actors and a corporate distributor. Holiday, long weekend, solo release, blah blah is ready but the main course goes missing. U get the drift eh! Afterall, u r the viewer. There is more to come. If two bhaiya are not enough, there is a behen in waiting. News is, she too wishes to...direct. (Did you all faint!) Never mind. The debutant director's wife is a book writer. (I hope, you didn't die!) Here, I'll mind. Plot: Director: Naach na jaane, aangan teda Hero: tai tain phish Film: Saridon aur chappal-joote sath le jaana. Tamatar mehnge hain. If one can barely tolerate this khichdi of 80s movies, the credit goes wholly to Javed Jafri, Rishi Kapoor and Nitu Singh. Ranbir has a long way to go as an actor. If YJHD was a fluke hit, doesn't mean he can act. He is just lucky among the current younger lot. Ranbir is striking package deals with director partners: Karan Johar (BOMBAY TALKIES, YJHD); Abhinav Kashyap (BESHARAM) and Anurag Kashyap (Bombay Velvet). He is partnering with Anurag Basu (BARFI) with JAGGA JASOOS. Even Rajni babu Kan't save this movie. Chala murari hero banne. Sharab, kebab, Shabab, drugs, cigarettes se fursat kahan. Yeh bhi pheku type hai. Like Narendra Modi, Ranbir too will put his directors in Income Tax noose for source of funds. And Salman Khan is laughing all the way to the...toilet (u read that right as laughing has loosened his bowels.) Salman had ghost-directed DABANGG and it was a blockbuster. He offered the sequel to the debutant "director", who REFUSED and the movie was another blockbuster. The debutant was without work for 3 years. And he followed D with B thinking he could direct. But he could only produce Salman-clone. When original is still around, why'll v taste baasi kadi? Since this film is ghost-riding on Salman's shoulders, he should take profit-sharing (if there r any.) Now, I'm also laughing. Oh, u r also laughing. V all r laughing. The situation ends on a happy note. As for the review, when the side-show is so entertaining, who asks for the story. Even with microscope, it cannot be found. Sleep well. The "director" is also dreaming of his next blockbuster. And Dada Kondke is turning in his grave.

Madras Cafe2013

Well, well. Time and again we've seen Hindi political films on India, Pakistan and Afghanistan mainly. It's a welcome change when the scene of action shifts to Sri Lanka. That day is not far when Nepal, Bhutan, Bangla Desh and Maldives too can find themselves on the silver screen. The credit for bringing Madras Cafe to the silver screen solely rests with John Abraham and he should receive a standing ovation for it. Political movies are not easy to make, more so releasing them in theatres. But John's statements like "Priyanka Gandhi is the sexiest woman in India (Jan 28 2009); I love PG to death (Feb 6 2009), PG is my idea of beauty (Sep 26 2011), PG worthy of sexy person award (Nov 29 2012), or most recently I hope PG is our next PM (Aug 17 2013)" certainly helped cross gandhi barriers, and make the film and even release the film in India except in Tamil Nadu, UK and Canada. Well, John should've courted the Tamils too to have a smooth overall release. John has broken some records too in his political endeavour. He comes across as a fine actor, who was hiding behind the nonsensical masala films but had given enough glimpses of an actor in Water (2005) and New York (2009). He also came across as a bold producer, who refused to give in to political bullying in Tamil Nadu. I personally am against bullying of any kind. Cinema is a public domain of creativity and let the public decide where the movie stands instead of some "all-knowing" politico dictating the terms for it's non-release. Major Vikram Singh (John Abraham) is a RAW agent, who is assigned to go to Jaffna to help bring political stability. He has a tough job apprehending Anna Bhaskaran (Ajay Ratnam), leader of a Tamil outfit LTF. In the course of his assignment, he meets Jaya Sahni (Nargis Fakhri) who is a British war correspondent. And slowly the plot unfolds. It is not only the war and political situation but there is a sinister plot of assassinating the former Prime Minister of India (Sanjay Gurbaxani). The plot has been hatched out sitting in a Madras Cafe. And before our RAW agent can safeguard him, fate intervenes. Unable to bear this failure, the agent hits the bottle. The movie unfolds in a flashback with the agent relating it all to a church pastor. Factual liberties have been taken but they certainly don't matter. The actors chosen to play LTTE leader V Prabhakarn (Ajay Ratnam) and Rajiv Gandhi (Sanjay Gurbaxani) need special mention as they bear uncanny resemblance to the characters they play. Anita Pratap too would be left comparing her life with Nargis's portrayal. The cast has been aptly chosen and they infuse life in their roles. Yes, unnecessary political controversy created will certainly dent the box office collections but the question is hasn't this controversy deprived the viewers to watch a well-executed movie that brings alive a crucial part of India's political history and shows a snuffed out young political life? It is not the movie's loss but of the viewers.

Murder 22011

Now, don't read that as Unique Serial Killer. But that may also ring true. The tone of the movie is set right from the first frame – Yana Gupta, a sex worker dancing seductively. She is ignorant that a eunuch serial killer Prashant Narayanan (Dheeraj Pandey) is waiting to butcher her to pieces and tape her shrieks begging for mercy. He does exactly this and more (gore) and enjoys himself in his loneliness. He is a drag queen. He dresses up for the occasion too all decked up in red, jewellery, makeup, lipstick, nail polish and wig and is almost effeminate. He butchers like someone slices bread. How can he share his misery with anyone? Even his parents are unaware of his mental state and force him to marry. He turns a sadist and burns his wife with cigarette butts. His torture turns her into a wreck. The parents instead of getting him see a shrink, show him the door. He goes to the hijras and gets himself turned into a proper eunuch. His co-worker says that working in a sculptor's shop, he would make demon (chudail, rakshasi) statues instead of a devi. He worships devil. And when the shop owner objects, he kills him. A sex worker, whom he calls for services narrates that he was a sadist and was unable to 'perform'. A psychiatrist (Shweta Kawatra) who delves deeper into his abnormal psyche almost gets killed. And when Emraan Hashmi (Arjun Bhagwat, ex-cop) and Pandey accidentally meet, the cell phone connects them. The game is almost over and both guys land in the jail. Here Pandey plays mind games. He fakes amnesia and displays a devious mind – he truly is living the role. Under questioning, he accepts his crime but soon he denies it all. And to save him arrives an influential eunuch Nirmala Pandit, who too is unaware of his (d)evilish self. Taking him away from the police station, they go to the temple where Reshma (Pandey's previous victim) is seeking refuge with the pujari. At one go, he kills all the three and returns to his den. He invites Priya (Jacqueline Fernandez) on a modeling assignment. But Arjun arrives before Priya. A fight ensues and the bad guy breathes his last. And the movie ends on a 'happy' note. Poetic justice has been done. But has justice been done really? The villain walks away with our sympathy. Narayanan is not only a eunuch, he is psychotic misogynist. As a helpless person, Pandey tugs at our heart strings. He didn't deserve to die. He deserved to be treated. But he had degenerated to such a state where death alone was his cure. But Narayanan's Dheeraj Pandey has given Bollywood a new villain, who will always be uneasily remembered. For deviant characters leave this indelible stamp, which will not be easily erased just like their on-screen crimes. M2 has Narayanan written all over it. Terror has a new name. This villain is not menacing but his devil-may-care killings curdle our blood. And his victims' shrieks will forever ring loud. If Narayanan likes sounds in real life, his cell phone will not stop ringing for a long

Ra.One2011

That V stands for villain, vicious, violent, virtual and victorious. Almost victorious till he is destroyed and dies (presumably). Well, it is a welcome move to name the movie after a villain. There are fewer earlier movies like Jewel Thief , Don , Ghajini but this is the first time Bollywood has a digital or virtual villain that is a delight as well as sinister character to watch. Curiously RAM (Arjun RAMpal) plays Ravan and adds monstrosity in a brief role. The movie has a simplistic storyline – win of good over evil. But when digital effects and graphics are added to it, it gives an awe-inspiring feeling. And watching in 3D is out-of-the-world experience. If the movie is taken as a video game too, it is definitely the next level. We don't need to compare it with Hollywood, where Indian and Chinese technicians work among others. The same technology does wonders in India among Indians. We have the brains and the result is amazing. Just like US call centers, soon we will have Hollywood studios setting up offices in India. After all cutting costs matter. The super hero is totally Indian. He neither wears a hood, goggles or underwear unlike the Hollywoodies. He is truly Bollywood original. For Hollywood superhero, he saves the world or cities. In Bollywood, the superhero's world centres on his family so he saves his family members. All Indian movies have heroes, who are SUPER. In Hollywood, he is taken as a super-human entity. Shekhar Subramaniam (SRK) along with his wife Sonia (Kareena Kapoor) and son Prateek (Armaan Verma) lives in London. He is a video game developer. While Prateek expects Shekhar to be a superhero, he is no where near it. Prateek also loves villains. To win over his son, Shekhar with the help of his colleagues (Tom Wu and Shahana Goswami) creates a digital/virtual villain Ra.One (reminds you of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein , 1818), who can be played online in a deadly encounter. Prateek plays the game but leaves it mid-way. Ra.One advises him against it but Prateek goes off. Ra.One in a fit of anger, assumes human form. He must track Prateek and kill him as he has dared to defeat him. In the process, he kills Wu, Wu's mother, Shekhar and even Dalip Tahil (gaming company boss). But Hindi movies cannot exist without a hero so G.One (SRK again in a digital clone-Jivan, GONE, etc) is given birth to counter Ra.One and to protect Prateek and Sonia. Now the location shifts to India. Now it is up to G.One to save his world (read family here). And this is the marvellous point in the movie. Ra.One has finally emerged as a humanoid (Rampal, finally) and he fights a battle to the finish. He is dangerous, deadly and dynamite. He will stop at nothing to extract his revenge. He even takes Ravanous 10 forms but tragically his 'shadow' gives him away. The villain must be vanquished and so he is. Farishtey bhi hote hain lives on. But ravan kabhi nahin marta (despite yearly jalana ). So you can expect a sequel with G.One brought back to 'life'.

Players2012

Well, let me begin the review on a positive note. Director-duo Abbas Mustan have come up with yet another stylish thriller that is awesome to watch in its cinematography. They have added yet another feather in their already crowded cap. And my positivity ends here. Let's begin the review now in right earnest. The movie has style but misses out on content and acting. It has shadows but no substance. The movie could rightly've been named JOKERS! The joke doing rounds on the internet: Abbas-Mustan were approached by Dharmendra Deol, Amitabh Bachchan, Vinod Khanna, Anupam Kher, Anil Kapoor, Nitin Mukesh, Prem Shivdasani, Abbas Alibhai Burmawala to resurrect their star kids' careers. A-M duo agreed. And their New Year bomb ne unka band baaja baja diya. Flops ki madad kee aur khud doob gaye. The duo are unlikely to recover from this massive failure. Viacom18 has already terminated their third film contract after this dud. And Puri Jagannath has booted out Abhishek from Businessman. Players has sadly nothing going for it except its directors, who churn out The Indian Job (sorry, The Italian Job). After that it is sorry, sorry and sorrier. The gold heist story couldn't have been more pathetic given the choice of blank actors, with bland performances. They are simply unable to emote. They have only two standard emotions – first is ONE emotion and second is NO emotion. There is no place for a third emotion or other ranges. After all, we are dealing with a bunch of starry duds, flops and strugglers (who never say die). With so many duds in the movie, who cares for the story or even the movie? Some in the audience are tearing the seats while others are tearing their (non-existent) hair. No one wishes to look for songs that are staple of Hindi movies. There is some solace package in the form of Johnny Lever (62) and Omi Vaidya (29), who try to cure audience's depression. Bipasha Basu at 32-40 is over the hill. This babe should seriously think of matrimony. Her shape is not fit for red bikini but for shaadi-byaah. I don't know if John Abraham had a lucky escape. The surprise package of this movie is SHWETA BHARDWAJ. This 26-something infuses enough life with her vamp's role that I did remember her seductive number. She should have been on the banners and trailers and promos. Maybe audience'd've rushed to theatres. But like I said, she is a (pleasant) surprise item. Kudos also to singers Mauli Dave, Priyani Vani, Ritu Pathak, Shruti Pathak and Yashita Yashpal. Let me put this in a nut-shell: If you've not seen this movie, you're hale and hearty. But if you've, you may need a psychiatrist so that you can be strong enough to view the next star kids' duds. If only the director-duo had considered Sanjay, Salman, SRK, Hrithik, Ranbir for the roles. I guess, they couldn't get them for free and settled for duds. Watch it if they offer u free tickets, coke, popcorn, to-n-fro travel, time-waste money, saridon... On second thoughts, ask for a refund on free tickets.

Ek Tha Tiger2012

Salman Khan is a phenomenon. I realised that in the theatre. There are imitators (fans) all around. "Kitni sigret peeta hai. Kutte ki tarah haanp raha hai." Ceetees, taalis. This scenario is right out of 70s and 80s, when Rajesh Khanna's and Amitabh Bachchan's movies released and fans went berserk. If this is the barometer of Sallu's popularity, then he has the pulse of nation in his hand. That day is not far, when he'll be the PRIME MINISTER. (Remember, MGR and NTR were mass-ive CMs.) ETT rests on four bamboos - Sallu, Kat, Rocket and Ranvir Shorey. By now, you all know the story of the entire movie by heart (and today is only the sixth day). I'm just paying lip service here. Hindustan-Pakistan, RAW-ISI. Tiger-Zoya. Tiger is the epitome of fearless courage, who can mince meat and cut enemies like gajar-kakdi. Zoya is the epitome of femininity. Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. She is delectable, almost good enough to eat. One wouldn't associate her being an agent and that too of neighbouring country. But this secret is out soon enough. Between duty and heart, Tiger chooses the latter. Zoya too does the same. And trouble brews with a capital T. Agents from both the countries chase them. But can anyone catch determined hearts? And they lived happily ever after... Aah, end of the story. But my heart craves for more. Even when the movie is over, I'm happy. They both look so good together. Just like made for each other. ETT turns this Kat into a tigress, who'll herald the 200+ to 300+ crore club. Sallu looks properly besotted by Kat. The Kat has tamed the Tiger. She asks him, "Nahin ab tumhari umar ho gayi hai shaadi ki." I too wish that he finally gets settled. There are no more milestones for him to set or any more records to break. He needs to have his family, his life. And the time for that is now. He should get settled. He looked almost vulnerable, yet invincible. Movies may come and go but a Sallu junior is the most wanted. Apart from Sallu and Kat, the doggie Rocket stole whatever remained of my heart. In his brief role, he left an indelible impression. I'm looking for a dog like him. Rocket meri pocket mein hona chahiye. (This is my dialogue, just like Sallu's clappable ones in the movie.) And Ranvir Shorey is on the verge of stardom. His laid-back acting left me gasping. He knew he was acting with Sallu but nowhere he showed, he was awed by Sallu's presence. He was just himself, a powerhouse of talent. He fits the big screen. There are excellent songs, excellent cinematography, excellent everything else. But for me the movie was paisa vasool when Sallu stopped the train single-handedly!, when he jumped off the buildings, when he somersaulted into the plane, when he made mincemeat of the bad guys and when he drove his power bike. He was in his elements. They don't make men like him anymore. With God above and his fans below, he doesn't need anyone else. His devotees are flocking the temple (sorry, theatres) and records are being set.

Makkhi2012

Here comes the super (hero) makkhi. A David against Goliath. A mere pest against a mighty man. A symbolic Ram against Ravan (Dussheha is coming). A saviour for Mother India against the corrupt. A courageous house-fly with fire in its belly. A universal animated hero that anyone around the world can relate to. Language is no barrier for this is speaking a universal language that is being lapped up as it is being dished out. And our Hindi film heroes can never match it, for it is miles ahead already garnered crores in Telugu (Eega), Tamil (Naane) and Malayalam (Eeche) versions. Can anyone be so powerful? When one watches this makkhi, one can safely says, YES. Nani, a fireworks maker loves his neighbour Bindu (Samantha Ruth Prabhu), a micro artist. Although he confesses his love to her, she lightly flirts with him. In walks Sudeep (Sudeep), an industrialist, womaniser and a crack shot, who doesn't mind killing for gain. And he takes a liking for Bindu. when he finds Nani in his way, he cold-bloodedly murders him but not before Nani hears Bindu confessing her love for him and not before Nani threatens Sudeep to not touch Bindu or else... That love confession infuses a new will in dead Nani only to be reincarnated as a fly. Revenge is on its way. And the only on-screen animal revenge story that comes close to it is dog Moti from Teri Meherbaniyan (1985). This fly will stop at nothing. It is fearless. Size doesn't matter. Intention does. Sudeep's days become numbered (literally). The fly confesses, "I will kill you." Sudeep takes refuge under various covers but is no match for the 'might' of the fly. For it is fight to finish. Even a tantrik is no match to trap the reincarnated soul. The fly is out to show its animated power and how. It keeps you riveted. It spells out its identity to Bindu in her tears. And Bindu goes all out to help the makkhi to do or die. And the makkhi does both. It won't let Sudeep eat, sleep or anything else in peace. Things come to such a boil that it is David vs Goliath. David dies but takes Goliath along with him. And David is again re-born as a fly to protect Bindu. Can you imagine a fly doing exercise, carrying mini bucket, dancing to Salman Khan's towel dance or uttering Ajay Devgan's Singham dialogue "Aate Majhi Satakle". Even Akshay Kumar Chinta Ta Chita from Rowdy Rathore is there for this fly to flap its wings too. And it is truly awesome with its mighty needle. A pose that will never be erased from public memory. The valiant fly dies fighting. Life returns when the fly is re-born. This makkhi is more real than the real one. Nani is good in a miniscule role. And Samantha is cute, thousand times better than our over-painted heroines. She is dew-fresh. Sudeep is natural as a villain. The only thing that jars is the dubbing. In between suddenly, the original Tamil is heard. Even lip-sync goes missing. But this is forgotten after the MAKKHI appears. Har koi makkhi banna chahega. Ek makkhi aadmi ko chuha bana deti hai.

Talaash2012

Well, well. No pretensions. No attractions. But a heart-touching story that is told as it is. It hits the bull's eye and stays in the heart. For it is our story. If anyone deviates from it, there are consequences to bear in this life itself or in the hereafter. There is the reality and the unreal. There is seen and the unseen. And there is dead and the visibly alive. I had seen Madhumati (1958). I thought no other actor apart from Dilip Kumar have lived that role but the movie belonged to the ghost. I saw Talaash (2012). I know no other actor apart from Aamir Khan could have dared bring to life this role. Two stories run parallel. One is a happy ending and the other has been untimely and brutally snuffed out. It is seeking justice and a CLOSURE. God is not far-away to help achieve this end. This world is a temporary abode. Every soul must pay for his/her ill/good-deeds. God will help even the damned to implement it. In His eyes, all r equal. Everyone, who is born must taste death. Aamir Khan's cop character Surjan Singh Shekhawat loses his only son to an untimely death in a watery hole. He blames himself for being unable to save him drowning. The grief has snatched even the smallest of pleasures in his life and created a rift between him and his equally grieved and coming-to-terms-with-the-loss wife Roshni (Rani Mukherjee). Roshni finally believes a séance-holder (Shernaz Patel), who contacts her son's soul and son says he is happy. Aamir doesn't believe in supernatural stuff. For he is the living (dead). And then a superstar Armaan Kapoor (Vivan Bhatena) meets his untimely watery death. Surjan has to crack the case that hasn't left any clues. In walks a female e-scort Rosie (Kareena Kapoor), who knows everything but has her own limitations. Her aloofness mesmerises Surjan. Inevitably he is attracted to her. In walks a ghost Simran too, who is seeking justice. Some people don't have a hold on their own lives. Others lead them like animals and let them die untimely unnatural brutal death. Simran too has been a victim of someone's lust and murder. She has been left to die unattended. And there is no record of her death. For she was a mere sex-worker and the law does not even recognize sex trade so forget the sex-worker. But above all human man-made laws is the law of God. And God won't let even a vulnerable, defenceless and innocent soul go without justice. Does Simran succeed in getting her revenge and justice? All rascals think they can do anything they like and get away with it but the actual CONTROLLER is surveying everything and he pushes the buttons. We are mere puppets. And then there is CLOSURE. The tormented soul is satisfied with the result and leaves this world peacefully. Surjan too accepts his son's death and that he is indeed happy in the other world. This much was the life span God had given his son. There is CLOSURE for Surjan too. He can move ahead in life thus reuniting with his wife. He understands life a little better now.

Murder 32013

Murder 3 is an official adaptation of Spanish psycho-thriller La Cara Oculta (2011, The Hidden Face) and is a sequel to Murder (2004) and Murder 2 (2011). A Valentine Day's release, it is a perfect foil for a romantic endeavour albeit with a difference. Usually a person is killed or murdered but here murder is of a different kind. Here feelings and emotions are ruthlessly killed and a game of deceit is set from the word go. And what else can be expected in this fast moving world, where everything is use-and-throw, including lovers. So, wouldn't it be prudent to know your partner/lover with whom you are going to share almost everything, no matter for how short a time and then move on to the next. Emotions are of no use when your partner has no reciprocity except to conveniently use and dispose of you. This is the first time perhaps there is triangle which is a tetrangle and finally ends up into a pentangle. The story begins in Cape Town, South Africa where photographer Vikram (Randeep Hooda) is a struggler. But soon opportunity arises when he is offered a plum posting as a fashion photographer in Mumbai. He is in two minds as his girlfriend Roshni (Aditi Rao Hydari) is already an established interior designer. But she is ready to leave her career and go with him. And together they leave for Mumbai. She gets busy with setting up the palatial home and he with his career and also with his hair stylist Naomi (Tonisha Pawar). And suddenly Roshni disappears in thin air leaving behind a message in-camera that it is the end of their relationship. Cop Kabir (Rajesh Shringarpure) suspects Vikram but cannot nail him. Vikram is heartbroken but soon finds refuge in the arms of a waitress Nisha (Sara Loren/Mona Lizza). Things are beginning to return to normal but then Nisha finds the mansion is actually a bhoot bangla. Sppoky things happen that raise goose pimples. And from then onwards it's a race to finish. A photo FINISH of emotions and feelings. And Kabir too expresses his feelings towards Nisha. In this complex pentangle, where does the buck stop? That's the cat and mouse game where Roshni finds freedom, Nisha needs to be rescued and the serpent must be caught and probably punished/killed too. It is something to be watched to be appreciated. There is a subtle play on day/light (Roshni) and night (Nisha). After Talaash, this movie is simply superb. It is a breath-taking climax that does poetic justice to a tale of deceit and two-timing. Trust and faithfulness shouldn't be compromised upon or the feelings and emotions stand murdered. Arth (1983) challenged the institution of marriage. Murder 3 challenges the feelings and emotions of true love. Times have changed and so have feelings. And how are we human beings going to deal with it? That is left for us to decide. The message is clear: If you want to have a smooth-sailing relationship KNOW thyself to know your partner. Don't go by looks but what goes on inside your partner's mind.

Chashme Baddoor2013

Please. 1981 Chashme Buddoor was a film of that era. 1913 Chashme Baddoor is a film of this age. There is no comparison or matching. Although story remains the same, the treatment is today's. That was Sai Paranjpe's. This is David Dhawan's. Both've done a marvellous job and I thoroughly enjoyed it and was laughing uncontrollably. That means Paisa Vasool. Can that be said of any movie released so far this year? And there is no time to think, the movie moves so fast. And when it ends, you wish there was more. Major Suryakant (Anupam Kher) has a chulbuli daughter Seema (Taapsee Pannu), who has a suitor Pratap (Ayaz Khan). But before any concrete step can be taken, she escapes on her scooty to Goa to her professor uncle Suryakant (Kher in double role) and grandma (Bharti Achrekar). Granny is proficient in using her hands for tamacha, belting and brooming manchala boys. Their house is same (or similar) to Mujhse Shaadi Karogi house of Priyanka Chopra with Akshay/Salman in Kader Khan's house right opposite. Here, the opposite house of Josephine (Lilette Dubey) is occupied by three kadka - Sid (Ali Zafar), Jai (Siddharth Suryanarayan) and Omi (Divyendu Sharma). While Sid is research student in Physics, Jai and Omi research women and get beaten researching them. Jai is a 'passionate' actor while Omi is a shayar, who are always at the receiving end of beatings. They haven't paid the rent for over a year and the same for food, which they get from Nostalgia Cafe owned by Joseph (Rishi Kapoor, a tattooed biker). Omi tries his luck with Seema but tastes granny's hands and her dog's teeth. Jai too faces similar fate. But the underdog Sid strikes an instant rapport with Seema and both become an Amol Palekar-Zarina Wahab type couple. But the wily duo Jai-Omi cannot see the happy couples (Ali-Taapsee and Rishi-Lilette) together and devise ways to separate them. They do but not for long. Friendship wins and they prove to be sachcha dost. In the end, all's well that ends well. The movie is a situational comedy and totally belongs to Ali, Shubhendu, Siddharth, Taapsee and Ayaz. The way these youngsters go about their parts, they lend a charm and humour, which is to be seen to be enjoyed. David Dhawan has proved, he didn't go anywhere but was waiting to make another movie. If not Govinda, Akshay, Salman, Karisma, Priyanka or Katrina; he can make a hit with unknown names too. And this Chashme Baddoor will soon prove it. He is THE Komedy King. Looking forward to more films from him. And the songs are simply whacky and wild. They complement the situations especially Andha Ghoda. Yes, har ek friend kamina hota hai par phir bhi Dum Hai Boss! It's a sparkling comedy, where you don't have to apply your head but heart. 32 years later, another CB will be made but it will not be the same as today's. So, today's will seem a classic then. So, enjoy today's movie as it is and forget comparing it. It is a damn good enjoyable fare that should NOT be missed. Get going.

Ramaiya Vasta Vaiya2013

A qaidi Raghuveer (Sonu Sood) is to be released the next day after serving seven long years. The jailer (Shiraz Ahmed) wishes to know the story behind his jail migration. Cut to flash back: The viewer is transported to Sonu's childhood. A single mom with two young children, humiliated and rejected by hubby dear, dies. Raghu takes the responsibility of bringing up younger sister Sona (Shruti Hassan). Station master Shrikant Bhargav (Vinod Khanna) unofficially adopts the two. Villainous zamindar Govind Namdeo along with his son (Sarfaraz Khan) eye Raghu's land and sister respectively. Sona's school friend Ria (Anchal Singh) is about to be married and invites Sona. Ria's dad Ramakant (Satish Shah) has a domineering sister Ashwini (Poonam Dhillon) settled in Australia with a hen-pecked billionaire husband Siddhant (Randhir Kapoor) and son Ram (Girish Taurani). Ma beta fly down for wedding and the son is fida over Sona. Ramakant's business partner Jayprakash (Nassar, grrrr) wants to chipkao his daughter Dolly (Pankhuri Awasthi) to Ram. There is a clash of class a la MPK which ends in PKTDK. What!!! Still waiting to read further. Well, kahani khatam, paisa hazam. We all've seen it earlier. But it goes to the credit of Prabhu Deva, who has given the story a fresh treatment with eye-soothing cinematography. Girish lends it a fresh, young and innocent flavor. For a debutant, he shows a lot of verve. He is not camera-conscious but acts in his own way. He is a mix of Saif Ali Khan and Shammi Kapoor (I hesitate to add Kangana Ranaut). Taurani dances like daurani (racing). Forget the Jumping Jack, here comes an all-in-one, who not only races, jumps, somersaults but can give a heart attack to Prabhu (Deva!). Watch out for Shruti Hassan (Sarika Thakur and Kamal Hassan's daughter). She can look forward to her Bollywood innings from now on with an awesome performance in D-DAY too. Girish and Shruti form a terrific pairing. The movie may not be a 'masterpiece' but somewhere it touches the heart. Cinematography complements the movie. And the icing on the cake is songs. Jeene Laga Hoon will break all the romantic records. His Bairiya and Rang Jo Lagyo complete the album. At the end of the movie one remembers the lead pair along with bade bhaiya Sonu, who carries Salman's Dabangg mooch image here. Salman may not have any release this year but look at the number of movies, where he is being cloned or worshipped by lesser known 'heroes'. Last but not the least, you may question me about adding 'Papa Kehte Hain' earlier and what is its connection here. So, don't jump to conclusions. Pichchur abhi baaki hai, mere dost. You can wait for a sequel aptly titled PKH (bada naam karega), which papa Kumar Taurani may already be planning as son Girish is finding favorable word of mouth. Forget hat-trick. This calls for a tetra-trick. Ghar mein sote ho. Office mein jaagte-rote ho. Ab theatre mein naachte raho. Pop...Popcorn...GO!

Chennai Express2013

Chennai Express is the 21st Hindi film to enter the (now stale/yawn) Rs 100 cr+ club. Taaliyan!!! (or should I say Gaaliyan). And there ends the objective for this documentary on Tamilnadu Tourism. When the occasion is festive (Eid), the hundi is ready to be filled up with eager ever-willing / spending fans, there is a blitzkrieg of non-stop media, marketing and money spent like water, crass promotion spree with games releases etc, an entire week's free-run, competition trounced (Marathi Duniyadari and Tamil Thalaiva), mammoth release (3500) with countless shows daily in multiplexes alone and single screens counting, with ticket prices raised, the stage has been set by the big daddies (financiers) to rip the gullible apart. And to hell with the movie and the story. A documentary would do. Welcome aboard the Tamil Express. Were Ramaiya Vastavaiya released on Eid day, it too'd've done 100+ cr business. So it'd make sense only if CE ends up dong 300-500+ cr business. Let's see the star power. Let's see if this docu can survive a week and meet the next biggie the next week. Manmohan Desai-Amitabh Bachchan, David Dhawan-Govinda and now RoHIT SHITty-Ajay Devgan was/is a sure-fire hit combo. Most of the time these combos rode on luck but at times their movies didn't succeed. Shitty is purely riding on luck and he extended the olive branch to the over-the-hill, unsure and faded SRK, who lapped it up like there was no tomorrow. And believe me, this is so true. CE has entered the club but where has it taken SRK? SRK has nothing new to offer. He has no more new milestones to cross or any records to set. The movie cannot add anything to him except fan his ego. It's time for SRK to reflect and re-invent himself. In a couple of years he'll be 50 and... Let me leave this here as we've to discuss something very important- the (non-existent) story. The lucky letter K is abundant here in the train journey from Kalyan-Karjat-Kambam (Theni) to Rameshwaram. Forget Kashmir to Kanyakumari. A 40+ virgin hero, who is unsure whether he is Michael Jackson, Jim Carrey or Rahul of yore (I mean 20+ RAHUL) or whatever and makes faces to pass it off for acting (I guess, SRK has done better in his ads and photo shoots). The hero doesn't understand Tamil (so how did the director presume the viewer could follow this 60% Tamil padam. Wouldn't it be better for us to watch a genuine Tamil film Thalaiva?). The heroine does the translation but otherwise there is no mandatory sub-titling. Never mind as most of the viewers are doing what the hero is doing - NODDING yes and no. (Wonderful pastime). The heroine speaks Hindi in a funny accent and Tamil even more so but she sings songs in PERFECT Hindi! The toy train journeys through cardboard scenery. Wonder of wonders, a 35k cellphone thrown out of the train lands intact on STONES and is still functioning (phone/internet/text) like it is in